


I'm the Big Bad Wolf ...

by sunnflowers



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Friendship, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Protective Siblings, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2018-05-24 06:39:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6144856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnflowers/pseuds/sunnflowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper has recently come out of a long, abusive relationship with Lapis and isn't sure where she is headed. Luckily, she has her roommate, Amethyst, to help her through (even if Jasper doesn't always see it as help).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Even in these chains you can't stop me

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics to "Big Bad Wolf" by In This Moment

Jasper put her headphones in before she walked into the small room between the weight room and the locker room. She liked to go in there, stretch, and focus before she started. Music began to play and she closed her eyes, taking a long deep breath.

> Even in these chains, you can't stop me.  
>  Even in these chains, you can't stop me.  
>  Even in these chains, you can't stop me.  
>  Even in these chains, you can't stop me!
> 
> Once upon a time  
>  There was a nasty, little piggy filled with pride and greed  
>  Once upon a time  
>  There was an evil, little piggy typical disease  
>  You see this little pig is slowly becoming my own worst enemy.  
>  You see this evil pig she's a blood, blood, blood sucking part of me

Jasper leaned forward as far as she could, resting her arms on the floor in front of her. She breathed out and let her back relax as she felt the stretch in her legs. Her hair tumbled over the top of her head and brushed against the floor.

> Everywhere I go, you go along with me (she said)  
>  Everything you get, is all because of me (I said)  
>  Everything I do, you do along with me (she said)  
>  No matter where you run, you cannot hide from me
> 
> She's got a hold on me  
>  Maybe she is just what they want me to be
> 
> Even in these chains, you can't stop me.  
>  Even in these chains, you can't stop me!

She slowly rolled back up and took another deep breath. She lifted her leg and held her ankle behind her, stretching her thigh, staring straight ahead of her. Without much conscious thought she switched to the other one.

> Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! I've been everywhere that you've been  
>  Now I've got nothing to lose and everything to win
> 
> Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! I'm already under your skin  
>  'Cause I'm the big bad wolf, now let the games begin

Slowly, Jasper walked to the wall and pressed her toes against it. She closed her eyes again, feeling the stretch in her calf and repeating the lyrics to the song in her head.

> You see I am the wolf,  
>  And this dirty, little piggy lives inside of me.  
>  You see every now and then,  
>  I forget which one that I want and which one that I need.  
>  I have come to realize  
>  That both of them have become a necessity  
>  I now have come to realize  
>  That I become which animal I choose to feed
> 
> Anything I say you lie along with me. (she said)  
>  Every song you sing is all because of me (I said)  
>  Anytime I cry you always laugh at me. (she said)  
>  No matter what you do you will belong to me
> 
> She's got a hold on me,  
>  Maybes she's just what they want me to be

Jasper leaned into the wall, pressing her shoulder against the cold concrete. She sighed as her shoulder stretched. She knew it was never going to be back to how it was before she injured it. But she wasn’t going to think about that right now.

> Even in these chains, you can't stop me.  
>  Even in these chains, you can't stop me!

She wasn’t going to let that stop her. She wasn’t going to let Lapis stop her. She wasn’t going to let any of this stop her. She switched to her other arm.

> Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! I've been everywhere that you've been  
>  Now I've got nothing to lose and everything to win
> 
> Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! I'm already under your skin  
>  'Cause I'm the big bad wolf, now let the games begin

She slowly walked to the other side of the room where she had dropped her stuff. She tied up her hair in a high ponytail before she grabbed the pre-tape and tape rolls out of her bag and began to tape her ankles.

> Oh man, all these voices  
>  I just can't get the fuck out of my head!  
>  I can't, I can't, I can't
> 
> Even with these chains, you can't stop me.  
>  Even with these chains, you can't stop me  
>  Even with these chains, you can't stop me  
>  Even in these chains, you won't break me  
>  Even in these chains, you won't stop me  
>  Even in these chains, you won't break me  
>  Even in these chains, you won't take me  
>  Even in these chains, you won't haunt me
> 
> Pig! Pig! Pig, pig!  
>  Stay the fuck, stay the fuck, stay the fuck out of my head!
> 
> She's got a hold on me,  
>  Maybe she is just what they want me to be
> 
> Even in these chains, you can't stop me.  
>  Even in these chains, you can't stop me!

Once she had finished that, she wrapped her wrists.

> Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! I've been everywhere that you've been  
>  Now I've got nothing to lose and everything to win
> 
> Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! Would you let me in?  
>  Pig, pig! I'm already under your skin  
>  'Cause I'm the big bad wolf, now let the games begin

Jasper threw her gear back into her bag, focused. She glanced up and caught Lapis passing by the doorway. She was performing her normal, determined and focused march to the pool. Her eyes met Jasper’s and the blue haired woman sneered slightly as she passed.

> 'Cause I'm the big bad wolf, now let the games begin!  
>  'Cause I'm the big bad wolf, now let the games begin

Jasper pulled the headphones out of her ears and rested them across her shoulder. “Let the games begin indeed,” she said under her breath as she walked out of the room.


	2. Once upon a time

“JASPER!” 

The tall blonde landed one final kick before she pulled her headphones out. “WHAT?!” she snapped as she turned around. She REALLY disliked being interrupted when she was practicing. Amethyst stood in front of her, unfazed. The shorter woman was immune to Jasper’s moods. She knew it was a horrible idea to interrupt Jasper, but she had been asked to. 

“It’s time to head out,” Amethyst said in a soft, flat voice. She knew Jasper was mostly talk, at least with her. They had been roommates for a couple of years now and Amethyst had caught on to how Jasper chose to deal with her feelings. “Come on, my car’s out back.” They walked to the locker room in silence. 

“You want the shower first?” Jasper said finally as she stared out the window of Amethyst’s car avoiding eye contact. Amethyst knew Jasper was attempting an apology for shouting at her. 

“Yea, thanks.” Jasper continued to stare out the window, focused on thinking about nothing. “Was Lapis at the gym?” Amethyst asked casually. Jasper could feel her muscles tighten involuntarily. 

“Yea,” she almost growled. Amethyst figured as much. She didn’t bother to ask her roommate any further questions. Finally, they arrived at their apartment complex. Both women grabbed their bags and climbed the stairs in silence. 

Jasper started to make dinner while Amethyst showered. The blonde woman wrinkled her nose as she opened the fridge. They obviously needed to go grocery shopping. She pulled out a package of chicken and dropped it on the counter. Grumbling to herself, Jasper pulled several things from the cabinet and then went for the pots and pans under the counter. Jasper and Amethyst shared most of the cooking responsibilities. Their schedules were similar and cooking for two was always easier than cooking for one so both were happy to do it. 

“What cha make’n?” Amethyst asked as she strolled into the kitchen. The short woman had showered and changed into a tank top and jeans instead of her normal leggings. Her light brown hair had been combed out and came down to almost her waist. It was currently soaking her shirt. Jasper raised an eyebrow, wondering what Amethyst planned on doing tonight that warranted real clothes. 

“YOU’RE finishing the beans and rice while the chicken bakes. I’m taking a shower.” With that Amethyst shrugged her consent and took the spoon while the taller woman headed to her bedroom. 

Jasper stood under the warm water and sighed. It was a bad day and she was hoping she could forget about it. As she reached up to wash her hair, she realized that she had irritated her injured shoulder during practice. “Great,” she said to herself, “The day got better.” She finished showering and got dressed, moving her shoulder carefully, trying not to irritate it more. 

Amethyst watched as her roommate all but stormed into the kitchen. Jasper’s 5’ 9” frame, broad shoulders, and muscular body often made people uncomfortable. When Jasper walks into a room, people stop, people stare, and sometimes people leave the room. That’s actually how they became roommates. Jasper walked into the bar Amethyst works at and gave the short women all the attitude she had. To Jasper’s defense, she was having a pretty bad day. Amethyst was unimpressed to say the least and gave the tall blonde a taste of her own fiery attitude from her side of the bar. They were soon good friends and have been ever since. 

Amethyst spun a roll of tape around her finger. “Sit down and let me tape your shoulder.” Jasper scowled, but sat down anyway. 

“How’d you know I needed my shoulder taped?” Amethyst rolled her eyes as she pulled some tape from the roll. 

“Jasp, you always need your shoulder taped. You just never wanna let me do it.” Amethyst finished taping her roommate’s shoulder and walked back over towards the stove. “And the loud cursing coming from your room suggested you might be willing to let me tape it tonight.” The short woman piled food onto two plates and sat down at the table with Jasper. She handed the blonde her food and started in on her own. 

They sat in silence, Amethyst eating her food and Jasper pushing food around her plate. The brunette put her fork down and stared across the table. After a while, Jasper noticed her roommate’s stare. “What?” She said sharply. 

Amethyst glared back, “Eat your food and get changed. We’re going out.” She went back to eating her food, but Jasper wouldn’t have it. 

“Says who?” 

Amethyst didn’t bother looking up. “Me.” 

Jasper looked back down at her plate. “I’ve got plans,” she said dryly. 

Amethyst wasn’t buying it. She knew Jasper and she hadn’t been “out” since just after she and Lapis broke up. “If it includes the TV or your headphones, they aren’t ‘plans’. I’m not about to let you spend another night sitting at home.” Jasper started to protest but Amethyst cut her off. “You need to do something other than working, sitting alone, or fighting Jasp. Just come out with me. It will be fun, I promise.” Jasper shrugged and it was enough for Amethyst.


	3. She's got a hold on me

They finished eating and cleaned the kitchen before Jasper dramatically dropped onto the couch. “So, what are we doing tonight?” Amethyst was busy going through her music. She finally found the song she was looking for and blasted it through their living room speakers. Jasper cringed slightly. It was a pop, club song that she hated, but Amethyst found amusing. 

“Does this answer your question?” The brunette smiled as Jasper rolled her eyes. 

“Am really? Don’t make me …” 

Amethyst got up and walked down the hall towards her bedroom. “Hurry up and get dressed. I need to use the bathroom when you’re done with your hair!” Jasper sighed once again but eventually stood up. 

“Fine!” She called back following her roommate. “As long as you let me do something with _your_ hair. You always make it look … ridiculous.” She could hear Amethyst humming down the hall and assumed they were in agreement. 

 

Jasper stood in front of her closet and tried to decide on an outfit. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a dark purple button down shirt and threw them on her bed. She dug through her closet for her black boots and pulled out her leather jacket as well. She looked at the outfit and shrugged. She hadn’t worn anything like that since before Lapis. The thought made Jasper’s chest ache, but she tried to ignore it. 

She pulled out the hair dryer and let her hair out. It had begun to kink just where the elastic was, but otherwise it didn’t look too bad. She decided to leave it down, something Jasper usually didn’t do but she figured she would go all out. She finished drying her hair and called to her roommate. “Amethyst! I need the bathroom to finish my hair!” In no time the brunette showed up in Jasper’s doorway. 

“So finish your damn hair. I wasn’t even in there, I’m waiting on you,” Amethyst said. She glanced over at Jasper’s bed. “The purple button down?” Jasper nodded. “Good choice.” With that, Amethyst went back to her room. Jasper finished up her hair and got dressed while Amethyst did her makeup. When they had finished, Jasper joined Amethyst in the bathroom. 

“Am, where are we even going?” Jasper asked as she started on Amethyst’s hair. 

“Out. Why do you care? Oww! Be careful!” Jasper huffed but tried to be slightly more gentle. “I thought we could hit up the bar across town. There’s a live band playing that’s supposed to be really good. Plus, it’s just nice to hang out with you. I mean, we used to do stuff like this all the time. It was fun, wasn’t it?” Jasper held out the mirror for Amethyst to check the back of her hair. 

As they stood together, Jasper was surprised by the image looking back at her. She hadn’t seen that person in such a long time. Amethyst was right, they hadn’t been out since before she got together with Lapis. Her ex-girlfriend didn’t like when Jasper went out. Lapis would tell Jasper that her hair was too wild, that she needed to pull it back so Lapis could see her face. At first it seemed like a compliment, and Jasper wanted to please her girlfriend. She had begun to just always wear her hair back in a bun. And she stopped dressing this way when Lapis told her she was intentionally doing it to flirt with other people. It had just been easier than arguing. “Yea,” she replied to Amethyst. “It was fun.”

Amethyst noticed how Jasper’s expression changed as she looked into the mirror. She touched her roommate’s wrist gently. “You look great Jasp. And tonight will be fun.” Jasper took one more long look in the mirror. She hoped the night would end up being fun. She took the mirror from Amethyst and smiled. 

Finally, both women were ready to leave. Jasper admired the long fishtail she had done down Amethyst’s back. She had left the shorter front pieces out to frame Amethyst's face and she thought it worked well. The short woman had chosen dark jeans and a layered tank top look. Jasper nodded approvingly. “You look amazing Am.” They stood in front of the mirror fixing the last details of their outfits before heading out the door. 

Amethyst grinned brightly at Jasper. “It’s gonna be a good night!” she said encouragingly. Jasper smiled back. She really believed it would be.


	4. No matter what you do you will belong to me

They arrived at the bar and immediately Amethyst went up to the bartender. Jasper watched as they shared a friendly hello and a few laughs. Amethyst at some point started gesturing to Jasper and the tall woman walked over to join then. 

“… my roommate.” Jasper heard Amethyst say as she walked towards them. “Jasp this is Vidalia. We’ve been friends for years. Vee, this is my roommate Jasper.” Vidalia smiled and reached out her hand. 

“Nice to meet you Jasper. Anyone who can survive living with Amethyst is pretty impressive.” Amethyst scowled at the two of them, but didn’t say anything. “Hey! It’s not my fault you’re a disaster. But I still like ya,” Vidalia said to Amethyst, pulling gently at a strand of hair that hung across Amethyst’s eyes. Jasper watched as Amethyst’s face flushed. She wondered if there was something she didn’t know about Vidalia.

“Is G’s band still playing tonight?” Amethyst asked. Vidalia nodded and gestured towards the stage. Jasper looked up and saw a tall, dark haired woman standing at the side of the short stage. She wore dark, round sunglasses and held a bag up on her shoulder. She seemed to be scouting the space, trying to determine exactly where the bag should go. 

“Amethyst!” Jasper hissed through her teeth. She pulled at the shorter woman’s arm, trying to lead her away from the bar. 

“Vee, can we get two of my usual. I’ll be right back.” Amethyst let Jasper pull her towards the wall. “What?! Why are you freaking out?” Jasper glared down at Amethyst. She knew Amethyst had set this up intentionally. 

“Garnet is here?!” Jasper said, still clenching her teeth. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me Garnet would be here?” Amethyst rolled her eyes at the blonde and shook her head. 

“Because you wouldn’t have come if I did, obviously. What’s the problem anyway? G is pretty chill. And you don’t even have to talk to her. Her band is playing tonight, she’s busy.” Amethyst pulled away from Jasper to grab their drinks from the bar. 

“That’s not the point!” Jasper called after her. Amethyst picked up their drinks and returned to her roommate. The shorter woman spotted an open booth in the back of the bar and pushed Jasper in the general direction. She placed the drinks on the table and sat down, glaring at Jasper. Jasper sat as well, unsure why Amethyst was looking at her in such a way. 

“Jasp, what the hell?” Amethyst said calmly in a rather soft tone. The blonde woman took a sip from her drink and tried to avoid Amethyst’s gaze. Unable to get rid of the guilty look on her face. “I know you think G is hot. I mean, she is hot so, you’re not wrong. But so what?!” Amethyst watched as Jasper hid her face in her drink again. Amethyst placed her drink down on the table and stared at Jasper. Eventually, her roommate placed her drink back on the table as well. “This is about Lapis.” 

“No!” Jasper replied, fidgeting with the zipper on her jacket. “No, I just … When Garnet flirts with me, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I mean, I think she’s cute but …” Jasper had no idea where she was going with that. She had only spoken to Garnet a handful of times, but each time she felt like the dark haired woman may be flirting with her. It was hard for her to say, not many people flirted with Jasper. And the handful that did often went unnoticed by the tall blonde. Recently, she had stayed clear of other people in order to keep her girlfriend happy. Any suspicion of someone flirting with Jasper always lead to Lapis starting a fight. 

Amethyst repeated herself, “This is about Lapis.” Which brought Jasper’s attention back to the table. Amethyst sighed as she rested her head on her hand. “You’ve changed so much since you started dating her.” Jasper's eyes lowered as Amethyst said this. “She changed you. She forced you to change by holding your love for her over you.” Amethyst shook her head. “You were so good to her Jasp. She didn’t deserve you. And you certainly didn’t deserve what she did to you.” Amethyst clenched her jaw, not allowing the conversation to continue where it was headed. “Fuck her. We’re gonna have fun like we used to.” She held up her glass and waited for Jasper to do the same. “To roommates’ night out.”

Amethyst smiled at Jasper, a devious, charming smile. Jasper could do nothing but smile back. Amethyst was the kind of friend everyone needed in their life. She called things 100% as they were, but was still always there for you, even if you screwed up. Jasper appreciated that Amethyst hadn’t give up on her, and she hoped that would continue. She really needed someone right now, and her roommate turned best friend was really all she had. 

They sat, drinking and watching the bar. The band had finished setting up and Garnet had taken her place on the side of the stage with her guitar. Jasper fixed her eyes on the dark haired woman and stared. After a while she heard Amethyst’s voice “… to Jasper? Hey! Earth to Jasper!” She snapped her attention back to Amethyst who just laughed. “At least wait until they start playing to stare!” Amethyst teased. Jasper’s face turned red as she looked back down at her drink and laughed. 

They spent a while just sitting in the booth talking about nothing and listening to the band. They really hadn’t had a chance to talk in a while and Jasper was happy to catch up with her roommate. They avoided any topic that was too serious; Amethyst intentionally didn’t bring up Lapis. Once the band took a break, they decided to say hello to Garnet. Jasper wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but Amethyst reassured her it would be fine. “You know G. We should at least say hi. And I haven’t forced you to talk to anyone tonight!” Amethyst reached out and put her hand on Jasper’s gently. “You can’t just avoid people forever.” Amethyst was right. 

They got up and headed over to the stage. Amethyst greeted Greg, the lead singer, warmly while Jasper lagged behind. While she stood, she could feel Garnet’s eyes on her, but she could never be sure behind those sunglasses. “Hey G!” Amethyst’s attention had turned and Jasper looked up as she spoke. “You remember Jasper, right?” The dark haired woman turned her head slightly and nodded. “Nice set by the way. That new stuff is sounding really good.” Amethyst’s attention had returned to Greg while Garnet’s eyes seemed to stay on Jasper.

“Nice to see you again,” Garnet said to Jasper. Her voice was low and steady, it made Jasper feel like she was speaking to a deity. She knew she was terrible at hiding how Garnet made her feel, she only hoped for limiting how much of a fool she made of herself. “I haven’t seen you around for a while,” Garnet said. Jasper knew it wasn’t a question. There was no inflection in her voice, no follow up with ‘why’, just an observation.

“Yea. Things with Lapis were … kinda bad. But we finally broke up and Am figured I needed a night out.” Jasper shoved her hands in her pockets, trying to keep it together. “Uhmm … you sounded great. You always do.” Jasper added the last part quietly as she returned her gaze to the ground. 

“Thanks,” Garnet replied. She surveyed the blonde woman before she spoke again. “Sorry things with Lapis didn’t work out. Sometimes things like that can be difficult.” She paused before speaking the last word. Jasper felt like she might know more than she was letting on. 

“Jasp, let’s bounce … NOW.” Jasper turned to Amethyst and knew from her look that it wasn’t the time for questions. She gave Garnet an apologetic look before turning on her heels and heading towards the door, head down, Amethyst following her. They made it halfway through the bar before she heard Amethyst’s irritated groan. She turned around to see a woman slightly taller than Amethyst grabbing the sleeve of her jacket. 

“HEY! Don’t you walk away from me!” the woman shouted. Amethyst mumbled some expletive under her breath as she stopped and looked back at the woman grasping her jacket. This woman had sharp, bright green eyes with blonde hair poking out of a casino dealer’s visor. She was dressed in a hoodie and black jeans with ankle high combat boots. She looked like she meant business, whatever business that was. 

“Fuck. Why now?” Amethyst said to herself rolling her eyes. “Peridot, let go of my damn jacket.” Jasper recognized that name, but wasn’t sure why. The short blonde let go of Amethyst’s sleeve and continued to stare at them. 

“How nice to see you Amethyst. We have unfinished business don’t we?” She looked over to Jasper and a rather evil smile crossed her lips. “Oh, you’re Lapis’ woman, aren’t you?” She looked Jasper up and down skeptically. “Obviously you aren’t with Lapis tonight. She’d never let you in public in … that outfit. Does she even know you’re out?” Jasper took a deep breath.

“First of all, I wear whatever the hell I want to wear. And I go where ever the hell I want to go. Second, I am NOT Lapis’ woman.” Jasper was fuming but she knew this wasn’t her fight. Amethyst stepped between the two into Peridot’s face.

“I haven’t been in a bar fight in a while Peri. Were you here to offer yourself as a challenge, or did you want something?” Jasper could tell Amethyst wasn’t joking. The words tumbled out of her mouth like venom and her hands were gripped tightly in fists by her side. She was ready to take a swing at Peridot at any moment. Peridot chuckled and took a step back. 

“I want what’s mine.” Peridot’s eyes gleamed as she spoke. Amethyst suddenly grabbed Peridot’s sweatshirt by the throat and got as close to the other woman’s face as her visor would allow. 

“She is NOT property, Peridot. She does not belong to you and she isn’t owed to you.” Amethyst voice was low and raspy. She was trying not to draw a crowd, but was also enraged. Peridot tried to speak but Amethyst cut her off. “I don’t care.” Peridot tried again, but was cut off by Amethyst once again. “I don’t fucking care, Peridot. She is not property and she wants nothing to do with you. Stay the hell away from her or I will break all your teeth and shove that visor down your throat.” 

They had drawn the attention of a handful of people. Jasper noticed that Vidalia and Garnet were both continuing on with whatever they were doing, but she knew they were watching carefully. Jasper placed her hand on Amethyst’s back and the short woman’s shoulders relaxed slightly. She let go of Peridot’s sweatshirt and took a step backwards. “It was so nice talking to you Peri. We should do it again sometime,” Amethyst’s voice dripping with irony. With that, Amethyst turned and walked out, Jasper close behind. Peridot was left scowling in the bar. 

When they got outside, Amethyst handed Jasper her keys. “I need you to drive.” Jasper took them without a word and got into the driver’s seat. “My sister's place, on Beach St?” Jasper just nodded and started the car. Amethyst pulled out her phone and dialed.


	5. I've been everywhere that you've been

They parked out in front of Amethyst’s sister’s place and got out of the car in silence. Amethyst had told her sister she was coming but that was about it. Pearl was waiting at the front door of her condo when they arrived. She glared at Amethyst and sized up Jasper before letting them in. The door closed softly behind them as Pearl gestured towards the couch. 

“What do you want Ammy? And who’s your friend?” Pearl loved her sister, but she hated surprises and she hated late night guests. Amethyst walked over to Pearl and wrapped her arms around her waist. They were twins, clearly not identical. Pearl was tall and thin with short dark orange hair. She had the build of a ballerina, lanky and graceful. Amethyst on the other hand was short and muscular. Her long light brown hair trailed down her back in the fishtail Jasper had done before they left. 

Pearl finally returned Amethyst’s embrace. As the sisters pulled away from each other, Pearl took a long look at Amethyst. “You look good. Did you do the hair and makeup yourself?” Amethyst smiled up at Pearl. 

“I did the makeup, Jasp did my hair.” She pointed towards Jasper who was sitting on the couch. “Jasper’s my roommate. I’ve told you about her before?” Pearl nodded in Jasper’s direction. “We were out at the bar downtown. The one Vee works at.” She led Pearl towards the couch and pulled her to a seated position. “Peridot stopped me and wanted to talk.” Pearl’s eyes widened at the mention of Peridot. “P, tell me the truth. Has she been bothering you?” Pearl paused for a moment, clearly shocked. 

“Uhmm, no. No, I haven’t heard from her since … you know.” Pearl’s face flushed as she said this. Amethyst followed her gaze towards Jasper and nodded. Pearl relaxed slightly. “After you made that deal, I didn’t hear from her again. And I haven’t seen Lapis recently either.” Jasper’s head turned slightly at the sound of her ex-girlfriend’s name.

“The second something happens; either of them start talking to you, you start seeing them around your house or work, anything like that, you’ll call me, right?” Amethyst held her sister’s arms tightly and looked directly into her eyes. “Immediately.” Pearl nodded and Amethyst hugged her. “They won’t hurt you P, they just want to threaten you.”

“I know,” Pearl said quietly. They sat in silence for a moment before Pearl sat up and stared at Amethyst. “I can take care of myself you know, Ammy.” Amethyst smiled at her sister.

“I know you can. But since they told me they would leave you alone, it’s become my problem too.” Amethyst ground her teeth at the thought of it. “I don’t like when people back out on their word. I kept my word.” She looked over at Jasper. “And I regret it daily. But it doesn’t matter. Now it’s time for her to keep up hers.” 

They said goodbye to Pearl and got back into Amethyst’s car. This time the brunette was driving. They headed out in silence, a few minutes later, Amethyst parked the car at the beach. She pushed back the seat and twisted her body to place her feet on the door handle. Jasper sighed. She knew this was going to be one of the conversations she didn’t want to have. She pushed her own seat back as far as it would go, then put her feet on the dashboard, her knees up against her chest. “Spill it,” she said softly. 

Amethyst stared out the window towards the ocean. “Do you remember Peridot? Besides from tonight?” She didn’t bother to look at Jasper. 

“No. I mean the name sounded familiar but I don’t think I’ve ever seen her. I’d remember that terrible poker visor.” Amethyst laughed to herself. 

“Lapis calls her Pear.” With that, it all clicked. Jasper knew exactly who Peridot was and had she known at the bar, they might not have made it out without a fight. 

“She was Lapis’ best friend,” Jasper started. “Lapis was ALWAYS talking to her, text, on the phone, chat, email, always. She paid more attention to her than she did to me.” Jasper felt her heart ache slightly at that thought. 

“Peridot’s a bastard, just like Lapis,” Amethyst said calmly. “She went on one date with Pearl and then wouldn’t leave her alone. It got so bad, P was filling out the request to get a restraining order.” Amethyst shifted slightly in her seat, clearly angry. “She followed Pearl into the bar one day. I guess she didn’t know I worked there. I took her to the backroom and introduced myself as Pearl’s twin sister and your friend and roommate. She almost lost it. I told her Pearl was filing for a restraining order against her. She got really pale and told me she’d do whatever I wanted as long as I didn’t go to the police.” Amethyst sighed and switched her gaze to the ceiling.

“I just wanted her to leave Pearl alone, and I told her that. She agreed and things were fine for a while, until Lapis started harassing my sister. She would show up places and cat call her, or make rude comments, or just generally make her feel uncomfortable. Pearl stopped going out because of her. I saw Lapis one day and lost it.” Amethyst closed her eyes and bit her lip. “I’m so sorry Jasper, I didn’t mean for it to end up like that. I mean, I knew she was a dick, but I never thought she would physically hurt you.” Jasper unconsciously rubbed at her shoulder. 

“Am, what are you talking about?” Jasper asked. Amethyst had slouched down so her head was resting on the center console. Jasper reached down and brushed a tear from Amethyst’s cheek. “What happened Am?” Jasper asked softly. Amethyst took a deep breath and let out a frustrated grunt. 

“I lost my shit on Lapis because I couldn’t stand my sister being treated the way she was. Lapis tried all her mind games on me, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t even hear what she was saying I was so angry. I pushed her to the ground and pinned her with her arm behind her back. Then I told her if she didn’t stay away from my sister I was going to make her life a nightmare. I told her she was weak, and that’s why she stoops to making people feel bad about themselves. I told her that she’s been emotionally controlling and abusing you for months because it’s the only way she can get you to stay with her.” Amethyst sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees, still facing away from Jasper. 

“I said that emotionally controlling people to feel loved was the sign of an incredibly weak person. I let her up and she slapped me. I didn’t even care. I just told her to stay away from Pearl and I walked away.” Amethyst turned around and looked at Jasper. Tears slowly began to fall down her cheeks. “That night, she went home and you two got into a fight. That’s the night she dislocated your shoulder. Peridot found me a few days later and told me that it was my fault. That Lapis was angry with me and took it out on you. She warned me to leave Lapis alone if I cared about you. And so I did.”

Jasper was silent while Amethyst wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. When Amethyst finally looked into Jasper’s eyes, they looked almost empty. “I’m sorry,” Amethyst whispered. “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me.” They sat in silence for a long time before Amethyst rearranged herself properly in the driver’s seat. “Put your seat-belt on,” she whispered as she started the car. Jasper did as they pulled out of the parking space. The drive home was silent, the walk up the stairs to the apartment was silent, and once they entered their place, they each entered their own room in silence.


	6. I'm already under your skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning, lots of talk about previous abuse

It was 4:30 am and Amethyst was staring at the section of ceiling over her bed. She couldn’t sleep and didn’t expect to be able to for the next few days. She knew Lapis was at fault for Jasper’s injured shoulder. But she also knew that she felt awful for not being able to protect someone she cared about. In the long run, Lapis injured far more than Jasper’s shoulder and her roommate would have to live with those injuries. It all made Amethyst seethe. She couldn’t believe someone could be so awful. 

There was a soft knock on Amethyst’s door just before it slowly opened. Jasper stood in the doorway in a tank top and boxer shorts, her hair pulled back low at the base of her neck. Amethyst slid to one side of the bed, pulling the sheets down and making space for her roommate. Jasper joined Amethyst, lying down on her back, looking at the ceiling. After a while, Amethyst heard faint sniffling. She leaned over and pulled Jasper into her arms, her roommate’s back against her chest.

“It wasn’t your fault Jasp,” Amethyst said softly. There was a long pause before she continued. “She manipulated you from the start. She put you in unfair situations and forced you to doubt yourself until you only believed what she told you.” Amethyst ran her hand through the soft blonde hair. “She lied to you. She threatened you. The relationship was incredibly abusive, and it wasn’t your fault.” Amethyst stressed the last part as best she could.

Jasper inhaled deeply before she spoke. “She told me a version of what happened that night with you. She asked me how I could let you talk to her like that. She said that if I loved her, I would tell you how inappropriate your behavior was and force you to move out immediately.” Jasper sighed. “I told her no. I told her that I loved her, but if she was harassing Pearl she needed to stop.” Jasper reached up and touched her shoulder. “She grabbed my arm at a bad angle and pushed me down. I lost my balance and fell but she was still holding my arm. I don’t think she meant to dislocate it, just to twist my arm a little.” Amethyst gently rubbed Jasper’s shoulder. 

“I don’t think she meant to dislocate it either, but that still doesn’t make it okay. She didn’t accidently hurt you, Jasp. She was trying to hurt you.” Amethyst moved over and pulled Jasper towards the bed, allowing the taller woman to lie on her back more. They were quiet for a while before Amethyst found it in her to ask what she was thinking. “Jasp? Have any of your relationships been abusive before her?” Jasper turned her head and thought for a moment. 

“Yea, one. A guy I dated a while ago.” Jasper went quiet again. Amethyst put her hand back on Jasper’s shoulder. “He never physically hurt me.” She looked away from her roommate. “He controlled me and shamed me when I did things he didn’t like. It took me a long time to …” Jasper stopped mid-sentence and closed her eyes. After a moment she started again, “It took me a long time before I could admit to myself it was abuse. I mean, look at me. Someone like me should be able to take care of myself.” Amethyst pulled her arm out from under Jasper’s back and sat up. She gently placed her hand on Jasper’s arm as she looked down at her.

“Jasp, it isn’t your fault!” Jasper sat up as well, leaning against the headboard. Amethyst inched closer to her roommate. “You put your trust in someone, and they broke that trust. It isn’t your fault. It doesn’t matter how old you are, how tall, how strong, how pretty, how educated, it doesn’t matter! They never should have treated ANYONE that way. You deserve better.” Amethyst slowly laced her fingers between Jasper’s and looked down at their hands. 

“When I was younger, my mother was emotionally abusive. It took a long time to notice something was wrong and an even longer time to admit it was abuse, but … I tried really hard to protect P. I couldn’t always do it, but I tried. Our mom was controlling. She used to pick out our clothes, style our hair. She would put our body lotion and sunscreen on us because she insisted we would do it wrong. It didn’t seem abnormal to us, but looking back on it later, we realized she was still doing this when we were 16.” Amethyst’s face turned red, embarrassed to be admitting what had happened.

“When we were really young, she would withhold affection and attention. If we made her mad, she would refuse to speak to us. We were never really sure how long it would last, and sometimes we weren’t even sure what we did. Simple punishments like time outs or going to our room were emotionally traumatizing. Pearl was always terrified that when mom punished her, it would be the time she stopped loving her.” Amethyst reached up with her free hand to wipe the tears that had started down her cheek. 

“Sometimes, I would sit in time out with her and just hold her hand. Then late at night, after we were sure everyone was asleep, Pearl would crawl into my bed. Before we fell asleep she would ask me how we could ever expect someone would love us when we were such bad kids our mother didn’t even always love us. I was always reassuring. Deep down, I felt the same way, but I knew that Pearl wasn’t a bad kid. I started taking the blame for a lot of things while Pearl worked twice as hard to be a good kid.” 

“As we got older, it started to be threats. ‘If you do that I’ll never speak to you again.’ ‘I’ll never forgive you if anything happens.’ ‘If you don’t tell me what you’ve done I’ll make you regret it.’” Amethyst looked up into Jasper’s eyes. “I’m not looking for sympathy,” Amethyst said softly. “I want you to know that I understand. Just because that guy you dated didn’t physically hurt you, doesn’t mean he wasn’t abusive. And just because Lapis only sent you to the hospital for your shoulder, doesn’t mean she didn’t leave a trail of other injuries and scars. But it wasn’t your fault.” 

Jasper sighed. Normally, she would have cried, but she had been doing just that in her room for the last several hours and she didn’t have it in her anymore. She slid back down the bed and patted the space beside her. Amethyst arranged herself next to Jasper and welcomed her roommate into her arms. Jasper was happy to be wrapped in the arms of someone she trusted. There weren’t many of those people. Both women sighed as they closed their eyes, quickly falling into a restless sleep.


	7. I'm the Big Bad Wolf

Jasper entered the kitchen and laughed as she saw Amethyst dancing in front of the stove. Her roommate turned around and stared at her. “Good morning sunshine. Nice of you to show your face.” Amethyst turned up the music now that Jasper was awake and went back to cooking. Jasper shook her head. 

“Why are you in such a good mood?” Jasper was enjoying her roommate’s attitude but was curious about the mood change since last night. 

“I dunno? Excited to go to the gym? Why do you care? You’re getting breakfast out of it!” Amethyst shrugged happily and went back to cooking while Jasper absentmindedly rubbed her shoulder. The blonde woman sat down at the table and watched as her roommate finished cooking the eggs. Amethyst looked over her shoulder at Jasper, “Wanna make the toast?” 

They sat down to breakfast and Amethyst noticed Jasper was once again just pushing food around her plate. “Jasp,” she said, “You’re not eating again.” 

“No, I am,” Jasper lied. “I’m just … not hungry right now.” Amethyst continued to eat. She knew her roommate was lying to her and she wasn’t really sure why. Neither said anything for a long time, until Jasper finally gave in and spoke. “Why did you get so quiet Am?” Jasper’s words were barely audible. 

“I don’t like being lied to,” was all Amethyst said. She stood and put her plate in the sink before she walked to the living room. It might have been harsh, but she knew Jasper could take it. Her point had been made. Amethyst grabbed the remote and turned on the television, as she did she heard Jasper doing the dishes. 

Jasper washed the dishes while her mind was completely somewhere else. She felt shitty for lying to Amethyst. She stood at the sink and thought about why she had lied in the first place. After a few minutes, Jasper realized she was afraid. She was afraid Amethyst would be disappointed in her if she had told her the truth. She was afraid Amethyst would think of her differently if she knew what was going on in the blonde woman’s head. She wondered what had made her afraid. Amethyst had been nothing but supportive from the time they became friends. She looked down at the empty sink, Jasper didn’t even realize she had been functioning on autopilot. “What’s going on with me?” She thought to herself. 

Jasper joined Amethyst in the living room, waiting for her roommate to acknowledge her before she spoke. “I’m sorry Amethyst. It was dumb to lie to you.” Jasper wondered why in the moment it had felt like the appropriate response. “You’re right … about me eating.” She sunk slightly deeper into the couch. “I just don’t feel up to it. My stomach hurts too much and even when I’m hungry, I’m nauseous.” Amethyst switched off the television.

“How long have you been feeling like this?” Amethyst asked. She had a feeling the answer was a lot longer than she would like. 

“I dunno.” Jasper started rubbing her shoulder again. “Maybe a couple weeks?” Amethyst tried to suppress her instinct to tell Jasper how she needed to start eating. 

“I’m worried about you,” Amethyst said slowly. “I think your shoulder might need to be looked at again. It’s been bothering you a lot more in the last couple days. And you haven’t been eating or sleeping well. You can’t keep doing this.” Jasper tilted her head back against the couch and closed her eyes. 

“I’m never going to be alright,” Jasper said quietly. She sighed as she spoke, “Lapis totally ruined my life didn’t she?” Amethyst knew where this was going. Not long after Jasper’s relationship ended, she and Amethyst had a similar conversation. It didn’t go well that time, and there are a few dents in the wall as reminders. 

“Stop,” Amethyst said firmly. “Don’t even think about her. Get dressed, we’re going to the gym.” Amethyst stood and pulled Jasper off the couch. “You’ve got 5 minutes.” 

\---

Jasper sat on the floor of the empty room taping her wrists, listening to her favorite warmup song, Big Bad Wolf. Amethyst had taped her shoulder and Jasper had agreed to go easy on it today. More accurately, Amethyst had told her if she didn’t, she would be spending the evening in the emergency room with more than her shoulder being looked at. 

Jasper finished and sat silently, listening to the lyrics of the song. Lapis had chained her, she had kept her from being herself, from having any control over her own life. Lapis had kept a hold on her in a way no one else ever had been able to. At first, Jasper felt like she was being tamed. It was a good feeling, being reeled in, being grounded. But that turned into feeling like she was being broken, she was being … controlled. Lapis was controlling her thoughts, her emotions, Lapis was in her head.

Jasper had enough. She had listened to this song over and over but it never spoke to her as deeply as it did at that moment. She wasn’t going to be stopped. She wasn’t going to be broken. She had been put in a situation now, where she really had nothing to lose. She lost her girlfriend, she lost the people she had thought she was friends with, all she really had left was herself … and Amethyst. And Lapis had tried to take that from her too. She knew she needed to step up and fix things in her life. 

Jasper turned to face the mirror lined wall. She stared at her reflection and pulled the headphones out of her ears. She knew this needed to stop. The longer she let Lapis control how she lived her life, the more she would lose herself in the weak, incapable, fragile view Lapis had of her. Jasper knew that wasn’t her. She was better than that and was ready to be herself again. 

Jasper carried her bag into the hall as Lapis happened to turn the corner. Their eyes met and Jasper resisted the urge to look away. She wasn’t going to let herself be intimidated by Lapis. Neither woman spoke for a while, each just seemed to be sizing up her opponent. When Lapis chose to speak, it was clear she was trying to cause pain. Her eyes narrowed, her voice deepened, and she clenched her fists ever so slightly at her sides. 

“Off to your fake fighting practice I see. Oh, and how’s your shoulder?” Jasper couldn’t help but smile. It was so clear what Lapis was doing it was almost laughable. 

“I think you’re confusing boxing with entertainment wrestling. No worries, there are clear differences I wouldn’t expect you to know. As for my shoulder, that almost sounded like you were baiting me. I wouldn’t do that if I were you Lapis, I still have plenty to warrant a restraining order.” Jasper smiled slightly as she spoke. 

“Oh, please,” Lapis laughed. “You don’t have it in you to take me on Jasper. In court or otherwise.” Lapis flashed her teeth in an eerily predatory smile. “I’m more than you know how to handle.” Jasper just smiled back and walked away, leaving Lapis standing in the hall alone.

“I’m the big bad wolf so let the game begin,” Jasper thought to herself as she entered the workout room. 

\---

Jasper leaned back into the couch and took another sip of her drink. She couldn’t remember the last time she and Amethyst had spent the night hanging out in their apartment, and it felt really good. Pearl was perched on the edge of the love seat while Amethyst and Vidalia were sitting on the other side of the couch. The two were just close enough that Jasper suspected something to be going on between them, but not close enough to confirm it. 

“I thought you had plans tonight P?” Amethyst asked her sister. 

“I … uhmm … I did. I mean … I do. Just not until later.” Pearl’s face flushed deeply as she looked into her cup while she spoke. “Rose has a tutoring session until 10:30.” Amethyst giggled as her sister tried to explain herself. 

“You really have a thing for this Rose girl don’t you?” Amethyst teased her sister as Pearl’s blush deepened. “Just make sure she knows that if she isn’t good to you, she’ll have to deal with me.” Amethyst enjoying how uncomfortable Pearl looked when she said that. 

“Leave her alone Am. If you’re so into talking about relationships, why not tell me what’s going on with you and Vee?” Jasper’s voice softened as she finished her sentence with a fierce grin. She ducked, avoiding the pillow her roommate sent flying towards her head. 

“I can speak for myself you know,” Vidalia replied, placing her drink on the table. “Am’s really good in bed. I’m not giving that up.” Pearl almost choked on her drink while Amethyst’s face turned a deep shade of maroon as her jaw dropped. Jasper just laughed. 

“Fair enough,” the tall blonde laughed, taking another sip of her drink. 

“And since you got your answer,” Vidalia started, “How about you tell us what’s going on with you and G?” 

“Absolutely nothing,” Jasper replied as she laughed tensely. 

“Pity,” Vidalia said. “You two would be cute together.” 

“She’s just too much of a chicken to tell her,” Amethyst interrupted. “Whenever they talk, Jasp turns into a blushing, embarrassed mess.” She ducked as Jasper sent the pillow flying back at her. 

“No, I don’t,” Jasper replied.

“What do you say we make a bet?” Everyone looked over to see Pearl smiling as she spoke. Jasper’s face had turned pink as she stared into her drink, avoiding eye contact. “I’m serious,” Pearl said, knowing the others expected her to be kidding. “Jasper, I bet you won’t make a move to ask G out on a date.” Pearl smiled gently at her sister’s roommate. 

“That’s not how bets work P. You have to bet SOMETHING,” Amethyst said. 

“So why don’t you pick something then?” Vidalia asked Amethyst giggling. Amethyst glared at Vidalia before eventually agreeing.

“Fine. Jasp, you ask G on a date and I’ll come cheer you on at your next match.” 

“Weak!” Jasper said rolling her eyes. “You come to my matches anyway, because you love me! How about you come compete with me?” 

“What?! No way!” Amethyst and Pearl said it at the same time wearing matching faces of disbelief. Jasper laughed. Sometimes it was incredibly clear they were twins. 

“Alright, alright,” Vidalia decided to break up the impending fight. “Jasper asks G on a date and Amethyst will do groceries and dishes for two weeks.” 

“And if she doesn’t ask G on a date,” Pearl spoke up. “Jasper does groceries and dishes for two weeks.” Vidalia and Pearl nodded to each other. 

“Do they live here?” Amethyst asked Jasper jokingly. “Why are they deciding who does our dishes?” 

“Take it or leave it,” Vidalia said, poking Amethyst in the ribs. 

“Fine.” Amethyst reached over and offered Jasper her hand. 

“How did I get myself into this?” Jasper asked as she shook her roommate’s hand. She supposed it wasn’t that bad to do the dishes for two weeks. And she was the one who usually picked up groceries anyway. She really didn’t have to follow through with this bet, but … After all, she did really like G. What harm would come from asking her out on one date? 

 

Pearl and Vidalia had headed home and the living room had been cleared of glasses and plates. Jasper was beyond ready for bed as she called goodnight over her shoulder to her roommate. She closed the door to her room and changed before crawling into her bed. A soft ping sounded from her cell phone charging on the table. 

_Here’s G’s number. She likes you, you know. So just be your charming easily embarrassed self. I’ll do two weeks of dishes if it means you’re moving on from Lapis. –A_

_Thanks Am. You really are the best. –J_

_You know it! Night –A_


	8. I become which animal I choose to feed

Jasper stared at her phone anxiously. She wasn’t sure why this was so hard, it was just a text message after all, but trying to text Garnet was seeming to be just as difficult as trying to talk to her. She took a deep breath and tried again.

_Hey Garnet, it’s Jasper. Am gave me your number. How are you? –J_

Jasper stared at the text for a while before she could bring herself to send it. Even after she did, it seemed like it was missing something. But Jasper couldn’t quite figure out what it was missing. She was suddenly startled by her phone buzzing in her hand. 

_Hi Jasper. I’m fine, how about yourself? –G_

Jasper hadn’t really considered what she would do if or when Garnet texted back. She stared at her phone mostly in disbelief. _What am I doing?! This isn’t even an in person conversation! When did I become such a chicken? I’m a champion fighter for godssake! JUST ASK HER OUT._ Jasper shook herself from her internal monologue and began to type.

_I’m alright. I wanted to ask if you were interested in going out sometime. –J_

Jasper hit send before she had the chance to rethink what she wrote, but as soon as she sent the text, she began to panic. She put her phone down on her bed and went to the living room. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Amethyst asked, looking up from her video game. Jasper sat on the couch, but didn’t say anything. “Uhmm, are you okay?” Amethyst tried again. “You look really freaked out, Jasp.” 

“I sent Garnet a text,” Jasper mumbled as she fidgeted with a pillow.

“What did she say?!” Amethyst asked enthusiastically. 

“Uhmm,” Jasper stared at the floor. “I dunno. I didn’t wait for a reply. And my phone’s in my room.” Amethyst rolled her eyes pausing her game and throwing the controller onto the floor. She got up and marched into Jasper’s room. She couldn’t believe Jasper could just walk away from her phone while waiting for a response like that. She picked it up and saw the message icon. 

“Here,” she handed the phone to Jasper when she returned to the living room. “You have a message.” Jasper looked at the phone and then back to Amethyst. 

“Why didn’t you check it?” 

“Because you’re a grown-ass adult! Come on Jasper. You beat the crap outta people twice your size in tournaments and you’re freaking out over a text message.” Amethyst laughed as she sat next to her roommate. “Just check it. She likes you, I have no doubt it’s gonna be good news.” She wrapped her arm around Jasper and hugged her. 

_I would love to. –G_

Jasper’s face turned red as she looked up at Amethyst. “She said she’d love to go out sometime with me.” Jasper smiled for a moment before the panicked look came back to her face. “What do I say now?! Where would we even go?” Amethyst just laughed. 

“I dunno, where do you want to go?” Amethyst laughed again. “Jasper, she said she’d love to go on a date with you! That’s great news, just go with it.” 

“But I don’t know what to say,” Jasper lamented. Amethyst grabbed Jasper’s phone from her while rolling her eyes once again. She read over the texts and looked up at Jasper. 

“You busy Thursday night?” Jasper shook her head no. “Alright then, you’re gonna ask if she wants to go out on Thursday. Now where do you want to go?” Jasper bit her lip and looked towards the floor. “Okay, then.” Amethyst thought for a moment. “How about the diner on the boardwalk?” 

“No … but how about the café?” 

“Awesome!” Amethyst typed the text and handed Jasper back her phone. “All you have to do is press ‘send’, I mean, if you approve.” 

_If you’re not busy Thursday, would you want to grab dinner at the café on the boardwalk? –J_

Jasper looked at the text and smiled at her roommate. “You are awesome roomie.” She pressed ‘send’ and put the phone down while Amethyst placed her head in Jasper’s lap. 

“Guess I’m doing the dishes and buying food huh?” Jasper gave Amethyst a half smile. “It’s worth it. I’m glad you asked her out.” Jasper’s phone cut Amethyst’s thought short. The blonde picked up her phone and glanced at the message. The wide smile on Jasper’s face told Amethyst it was once again, good news. Jasper typed something and then put her phone down. 

“She said that sounds great and wanted to know if 7:30 worked for me.” Jasper’s face flushed as she looked down at her roommate. “I have a date with Garnet for Thursday.” Amethyst smiled back at the blonde.

“You totally have a date with Garnet on Thursday!” Amethyst sat up, still smiling. “Come celebrate by playing video games with me.” She gave Jasper a friendly push before she returned to her abandoned controller.


	9. Once upon a time (take 2)

Jasper anxiously combed her fingers through her hair as she stood outside the café. During the week, she had plenty of time to think about this date and what a terrible idea it was. Amethyst had been right, Jasper got incredibly nervous when she was around Garnet and she was worried she would embarrass herself. Suddenly Jasper was aware of someone standing in front of her. 

“Hey,” Garnet greeted her in a deep smooth voice. Jasper looked up to greet her and realized she was staring into G’s sunglass covered eyes. Jasper quickly looked back down towards the sidewalk and took a slight step back. “Hey.” She opened the door to the café, blushing more than she was interested in thinking about. “Thanks,” Garnet said, an amused smile crossing her lips. Jasper blushed harder but smiled in spite of herself. 

They got their food and sat down at a table near the back of the store. Jasper continued to blush and avoid eye contact, playing with her coffee cup to distract herself. After a moment, she felt Garnet’s hand on hers. She looked up to see that Garnet had pushed her sunglasses up into her hair. Jasper’s heart fluttered; Garnet’s eyes were beautiful. “Jasper,” G said gently. Jasper blinked back at Garnet and slowly exhaled the breath she suddenly realized she was holding. “You don’t need to be so nervous.” She flashed a smile that almost stopped Jasper’s heart. “I’m glad you invited me out.” Jasper laughed at herself for how ridiculous she was being. 

“Yea,” Jasper said smiling back. “And I’m glad you agreed.” They managed some awkward small talk about work, about Garnet’s band, and about Jasper’s boxing. Eventually Garnet rested her head against her hand and looked seriously at Jasper. 

“So,” Garnet started. “Wanna talk about why you’re not eating?” Jasper bit her lip as she looked down at her food. It was clear she hadn’t eaten anything, she had only drunk some of the coffee she ordered. “I mean, you’re a boxer. I can’t imagine you get by daily on just coffee.” Jasper fidgeted with her cup again until Garnet placed her hand on top of the cup. “Don’t worry about it. We can talk about something else. I didn’t mean to pry.” 

“No,” Jasper said quietly. “It’s okay. I … I want to tell you.” Jasper knew she was a mess, and she wanted Garnet to be fully aware before agreeing to get involved with her. It would be awful to fall for Garnet just to have her bail later after hearing about Lapis. “Lapis was … she was emotionally abusive.” Jasper put her hand over her injured shoulder. “And to some extent physically abusive. While we dated, she wouldn’t let me have friends and she was really unhappy whenever anyone noticed me. I never went out without her. She wanted me to wear my hair pulled back and she had a lot to say about my clothing.” Garnet’s expression didn’t change as she looked at Jasper. While the blonde spoke, she stared at the table. “She got angry with me one night because she wanted me to kick Amethyst out of our apartment and I said I wouldn’t. She twisted my arm and pushed me, accidentally dislocating my shoulder. It involved a trip to the emergency room. I’m still working on getting full range of motion and strength in it.” 

Jasper finally looked up at Garnet. Her eyes were fixed on Jasper and her expression was one of genuine concern. “It was a shitty break up, and I’ve been having some trouble sleeping and eating since then.” Garnet smiled at Jasper. It was playful and slightly smug. “So, why did you decide to ask me out to dinner when you don’t eat?” Jasper turned red once again as Garnet continued to smile. “I dunno, tradition?” She ran her hand through her hair as they both laughed. “Well, I’ve got another idea,” Garnet said standing up. As they left the café, Garnet slipped her hand inside Jasper’s. 

Garnet’s idea was a walk on the beach. It was getting rather late and very few people were out, so they enjoyed their walk on what had become a secluded section of the beach. It didn’t take long for it to turn into a game of twenty questions, each looking for something not too strange they could ask the other. 

“Why do you wear sunglasses all the time?” 

“It’s part of my look of course. And my eyes are kind of sensitive to light. How’d you end up living with Amethyst?” 

“Uhmm, I walked into her bar and gave her a lot of attitude? Some point after, we were both looking for a new place and we thought we’d try it out. How’d you end up in a band with Greg?” 

“He’s an old friend. He asked, I figured, why not?” Garnet stopped and faced Jasper. “Why’d it take you so long to ask me out?” Jasper’s face flushed.

“I … I was nervous. Why? Were you … waiting?” Garnet gave a half smile.

“Kinda. I suppose I was more, hoping.” 

“Oh? For … how long?” 

“It’s not your turn, it’s mine.” Garnet smiled deviously at Jasper. “Can I kiss you?” Jasper was surprised by the question. 

“Yea,” Jasper said softly. Garnet snaked her arms around Jasper’s waist and pressed their lips together, pulling Jasper towards her. Jasper let her hands sit on Garnet’s hips as she kissed back deeply. Time seemed to stop for Jasper, everything about the moment was perfect. Garnet parted their lips slowly and turned her head so her mouth was closer to Jasper’s ear. 

“I was hoping it would feel like that.” With that, Garnet kissed Jasper’s cheek and reached back down for her hand. They headed back towards the boardwalk. As they approached, Garnet asked, “So, I’ve got a show tomorrow. Do you think you and Amethyst might want to show up? Vidalia and I usually hang out after the bar is closed. I bet she’d be alright with a couple more guests.” Jasper’s heart raced as Garnet looked into her eyes with an almost pleading gaze. 

“I’d love to. Consider us there.” They ended their date with one last kiss before heading in separate directions. 

\---

When Jasper entered the apartment, Amethyst was lying upside-down on the couch staring at her phone. “Hey! You’re back. Woah, it went well didn’t it?” Amethyst said as she sat up. Jasper plopped herself on the floor across from her roommate. 

“What makes you say that?” Jasper knew her face was incredibly red, but she imagined it would have looked that way if the date went poorly as well. Amethyst just laughed.

“Jasp, you kinda look stoned.” The shorter woman giggled on the couch. “Your face is red, your eyes are half shut, your motions and responses are kinda slow. And I haven’t seen you smile like that in a pretty long time.” Amethyst continued to laugh while Jasper hid her face in her hands. 

“Amethyst she’s amazing!” Jasper mumbled with her head still in her hands. “I was such a mess! But she was …” The blonde trailed off looking for the right word. 

“I’m glad it was good. So when do you see her again?” 

“Uhmm, tomorrow? We’re supposed to go to the bar, her band is playing again.”

“We?” Amethyst raised an eyebrow though Jasper couldn’t see it. “What do you mean when you say we Jasper? Because if the band is performing, it sounds like G will already be at the bar.” 

“Us? You and me?” Jasper finally looked up, still smiling. “Garnet said that she and Vidalia usually hang out after the bar closes and she thought it would be nice if you and I joined them.” 

“There’s the Jasper I know and love. Rude as hell, making plans for me without even asking.” Amethyst laughed again. “Cool. While the two of them work, we can hang out. It can be another roomies night out. This time, without the confrontational display or having to go wake up my sister.” Jasper grinned back at her roommate as Amethyst yawned. “But, until then, there is still Friday to deal with so I’m headed to bed. Gym tomorrow afternoon?” Jasper nodded, suddenly also really tired. “Okay. Night roomie. I’m expecting text updates tomorrow about how this date went!” Amethyst said as she disappeared down the hall. 

Jasper slowly got up and headed to her room, grabbing a glass of water on the way. Jasper was almost asleep as she climbed into bed. It was really the first time in a while she thought she might actually sleep well. She picked up her phone to charge it and saw she had a message. 

_It was a really nice night. Thanks. Sleep well. –G_

Jasper threw her arm over her head as her faced burned. She couldn’t help but smile, it really had been a good night. Even talking about Lapis hadn’t been that bad. She took a deep breath and sent a reply. 

_I had a really nice time too. Night and sleep well yourself. -J_


	10. I now have come to realize

Amethyst sat at the coffee shop on her break, scrolling through her text messages. She was trying to catch up on the texts Jasper had been sending her throughout the day. 

_So, next time you have a free minute, I’m expected a text about your date last night. –A_

_Ugh. This day is terrible. Can’t I just tell you about it when we’re at the bar? –J_

_Hell no! Spill it. And along with it, what’s so terrible about your day? –A_

 

_Same shit. No matter. Uhmm, summary: We went to the café, she called me out on not eating, I explained what had happened with Lapis, she called me out on taking her to dinner when I don’t eat, we walked on the beach –J_  
_and we kinda kissed –J_  
_She said she had been hoping I would ask her out. It was pretty amazing Am. –J_

Amethyst read the new texts and laughed. She was incredibly happy her roommate’s date had worked out. She also hoped that if Garnet was noticing Jasper’s bad life choices too, maybe she would take better care of herself. 

_I’ve been trying to get you two together for a while, she’s good for you Jasp! –A_  
_I’ll ask more questions later. Meet at the gym after work? –A_

_Yea, see you after work. –J_

 

Amethyst chugged the last of her coffee before sending Vidalia a text.  
_Hey babe, I’ll see you tonight. Hope your day is going well –A_

\---

That afternoon, Amethyst paced the locker room of the gym. “Ugh! You’re late,” she growled as Jasper walked through the door. Jasper dropped her bag next to her locker and glared back at Amethyst. 

“Yea. I am,” was all she said. Jasper changed and sat on the bench pulling out her tape. “I take it work got bad after your lunch break?” Amethyst just grabbed the tape from Jasper’s hands in response. She taped up her roommate’s shoulder before working on her own wrist. 

As they left the locker room, Jasper wondered if they should change up their routine. Normally, today would be their day to spar. Although Jasper liked to give Amethyst a hard time about her terrible boxing technique, she was an incredible MMA fighter. The two spent one day a week sparing, but Jasper was beginning to think they weren’t in the best of moods for this.

“Are we still doing this?” Jasper asked, pausing at the door. Amethyst rolled her eyes. 

“Why else would I have taped my wrist?” She pushed by Jasper and headed into the room. 

_Fuck._ Jasper thought to herself. It didn’t take long for the two to get into an epic match. After 40 minutes, they were both out of breath and already slightly sore. They dragged themselves back to the locker room and changed in silence before heading to Amethyst’s car. Their conversation was impressively minimal once they arrived home. 

“Dinner?”

“Protein bar. You showering?” 

“Go ahead. I’m cooking.”

“Kay. Shit.” Jasper rolled her shoulder slowly as she walked towards the bathroom. 

 

After they had both showered and eaten, they sat on the couch. “Yea, we went overboard,” Amethyst said as she stared at the ceiling. Jasper laughed. It was the kind of laugh produced after realizing just how stupid what you did was. 

“I could have done without that kick to the side of my head,” Jasper said, mostly amused. “I had thought you were too short to do that.” 

Amethyst snorted as she laughed, “That’s because you never bother to watch my matches. If you did, you would have seen it coming. It’s not like my face isn’t swelling as we speak though! I don’t feel bad for you.” 

Jasper looked over at her roommate. Her face didn’t look all that bad, but there was a bruise starting to form just under her right eye. “Vidalia’s gonna ask what I did to you! Go put ice on your face,” Jasper scolded. 

“Yea, yea. Ice your shoulder then,” Amethyst responded. The short brunette slowly got up and went to the kitchen. She returned with two ice packs and a bottle of pain killers. She took two pills from the bottle and threw it towards her roommate. “We’re gonna feel like shit soon.” Jasper just rolled her eyes. It was part of the fun, wasn’t it?

\---

Jasper and Amethyst stood at the bar, waiting for Vidalia to finish making their drinks. They had somehow managed to get off the couch so they could change and get to the bar just before the band started playing. Jasper awkwardly greeted Garnet. They chatted for a moment before she needed to finish setting up. Jasper gave her a quick kiss and wished her luck before meeting Amethyst at the bar. 

“Red’s a good color on you, Jasper. Goes well with your hair,” Vidalia said with a laugh.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush this much!” Amethyst said shaking her head. 

“Shut up,” Jasper mumbled, taking her drink from the bar before finding a table for her and Amethyst. Amethyst pulled Vidalia over the bar by her shirt and kissed her deeply. 

“What was that for?” Vidalia looked around the immediate area to see how many people had watched that display. 

“Just missed ya. See ya when the bar closes beautiful.” Amethyst grabbed her drink and headed towards the booth Jasper was sitting in. Vidalia just shook her head. 

 

Jasper chugged half of her drink before Amethyst arrived at the table. “Woah, slow down killer,” Amethyst said flippantly. “At this rate you’re gonna be so drunk Garnet’s gonna have to drive you home.”

“Shut up!” Jasper glared at her roommate as she put the glass down. 

“Okay, what’s wrong now? I was only joking.” Jasper slid down in her seat.

“Nothing. I’m just … I’m sore and I’m irritated. Work was shitty, my arm feels awful, I just want to go to bed.” Amethyst laughed as her roommate pouted across from her. 

“Come on Jasp! It’s Friday night and you get to spend the later part of it with your girl. It’s a good day!” Jasper glanced up at Amethyst and laughed at her roommate’s intense smile. 

“Yea. I guess you’re right. Well, while we wait for the ladies to get off work, how about you tell me when you and Vee started dating?” Jasper could see Amethyst blush slightly even as she looked away. 

“Uhmm, we aren’t really dating. I mean, we’ve never talked about anything official.” Amethyst took another sip of her drink, trying to avoid her roommate’s gaze. 

“Oh bullshit, Am. Don’t make me pry it out of you. What’s going on?” The short woman gulped down the rest of her drink and stood up.

“I’ll be right back.” She returned with two drinks and two shots. She placed one of each in front of Jasper before downing the remaining shot. 

“How many have you had?” Jasper asked, unimpressed. 

“That was my second.”

“And what is it?”

“Tequila.” Jasper shook her head but drank the shot of tequila. 

“So, spill it. And slow down.” Amethyst just nodded, pushing her drink towards the side of the table. 

“Vee doesn’t want anything … permanent. She likes that she can flirt at the bar. She likes that she can go home with whomever she wants. She likes that she is available.” Jasper watched as Amethyst’s expression changed. She smiled back at Jasper, but her eyes seemed sad. 

“She’s said this?” Jasper raised an eyebrow as she spoke. 

“Nah, but that’s what she wants.” 

“And you’re cool with that?” Jasper asked hesitantly. 

“Yea. It’s fine. I’m not meant for relationships! You know that.” Jasper just nodded. “Come on! This is what, your second date with Garnet? Let’s celebrate!”

With that, Jasper dropped the subject completely. The two talked about anything they could think of to kill time. At some point, Jasper pointed out the bruise under Amethyst’s eye. Amethyst promised to return the favor the next time. “I owe you one.” Jasper reminded Amethyst of her headache, which was coming back, and suggested she already had her revenge. 

Eventually, Vidalia began to close out the bar as Greg and the band packed up their things. There were a handful of people hanging around. A couple of girls stood near the stage, watching Greg put away equipment. A guy sat at the bar, making small talk with Vidalia. Garnet could be seen near the back, moving things to be loaded into the van. When everything was closed up and the patrons finally gone, Garnet and Vidalia joined them at the booth. 

“Howdy,” Garnet said cheerfully as she slid into the booth beside Jasper. She briefly ran her hand over Jasper’s leg and laced their fingers together. 

“Yo!” Amethyst greeted Vidalia and Garnet to the table. “How was work tonight?” Amethyst asked as she wrapped her arm around Vidalia. 

“Eh, you know. Another night of drunken guys hitting on me while they drool over Garnet,” Vidalia replied as she leaned against Amethyst. 

“So,” Jasper said absentmindedly running her fingers against Garnet’s hand. “Do you two always stay after the bar closes?” 

“Nah not really,” Vidalia replied, taking a sip of the remainder of Amethyst’s drink. “We just thought it would be nice to hang out.” Jasper noted the way Vidalia nestled her head against Amethyst’s shoulder. “But G and I were talking … and we were wondering. Uhmm, what happened the last time you were here? You know, with Peridot?” Both Jasper and Amethyst threw not so subtle glances at each other, silently trying to determine who wanted to tell the story. 

“She’s a friend of my ex, Lapis.” Jasper sighed as she spoke. “And apparently wants to date Am’s sister.” Both Garnet and Vidalia looked towards Amethyst. 

“It’s no biggie,” Amethyst replied. “She wasn’t understanding that Pearl wanted to be left alone. So … I made sure she did.” 

“Yeah, it’s over now,” Jasper replied. Vee and Garnet shared a look before Garnet spoke. 

“Alright then. As long as it isn’t something to worry about.” 

“So, are you two an item now?” Vidalia said, gesturing at Jasper and Garnet. Jasper blushed as she tried to avoid eye contact. 

“We haven’t talked about it,” Garnet said with a smile. “What about the two of you?” She said back to Vidalia. 

“Nah, Vee can be with whomever she wants,” Amethyst replied as Vidalia said, “We haven’t talked about it yet either.” The two looked at each other, Amethyst with a face of embarrassment while Vidalia looked disappointed and confused. 

“Then I guess that’s the answer,” Vidalia mumbled as she got up from the table. “I’m gonna smoke, I’ll be back.” Amethyst looked at Vee with concern but didn’t try to stop her from leaving. Jasper’s eyes darted from Amethyst to Garnet and back. Eventually she nudged Garnet out of the booth and followed Vee outside. 

Amethyst put her head down on the table. She wasn’t sure exactly what had just happened, but she was pretty sure she had screwed up. It was something she was used to, she felt like she was bad at relationships and was always ruining good things. Soon, Amethyst felt fingers graze her head. 

“Do you not want to be in a relationship with Vidalia?” Garnet asked. Amethyst looked up and saw G had removed her sunglasses and was looking at her with a kind, soft expression. Amethyst sighed. 

 

Vidalia lit her cigarette and faced away from Jasper. She tried to act as if she was being polite, not blowing smoke in Jasper’s face, but Jasper could tell she was just avoiding eye contact. 

“Vidalia, what’s going on?” Jasper asked, still maintaining her distance. Vidalia shrugged.

“What’s up with Amethyst? One minute I think she wants a relationship with me, and the next it’s clear she’s not interested.” Vidalia backed towards the building and rested her foot against it. “And after I went and told Yellow all about her. I really thought this was going somewhere.” 

“Wait, who’s Yellow?” Jasper asked. 

 

“Nooooo,” Amethyst groaned, putting her head back on the table. “it isn’t that. Yeah, I want to be in a relationship with her! But, she’s already with Yellowtail and she flirts with people who come into the bar, and I don’t want to ruin that for her.” Garnet nudged Amethyst, trying to get her to look up. 

“Have you talked to her about this? About her relationship with Yellowtail? About flirting at the bar? About being with you?” Amethyst just shook her head. “Yellowtail knows all about you, Amethyst, just like you know about him. Vee has been up front with both of you. But have you been upfront with her?” As she said this, Jasper returned to the booth. 

“Go out there and talk to her,” Jasper said, pulling Amethyst out of the booth. Amethyst glared at Jasper, but eventually turned and headed towards the door. Jasper watched her roommate leave before sitting back down next to Garnet. Garnet wrapped her arm around Jasper’s waist and smiled at her. 

“How was your talk with Vee?” Jasper leaned her head back against Garnet’s shoulder. 

“She’s got a boyfriend?” Garnet just nodded. 

“She and Yellowtail are in an open relationship. He knows all about Amethyst and wants Vee to be with her, if that’s what she wants of course.” Jasper sighed in response. 

“Amethyst doesn’t think Vee wants to be with her. I don’t know, it all just seems like a huge misunderstanding to me.” Jasper sighed again as she turned to look at Garnet. “I really like you Garnet. I’m just not sure how ready I am to move on. Being with you is nice, but I don’t want to promise you something I’m not sure I can give you.” Garnet took Jasper’s hand as she spoke. 

“This is enough, Jasper. We can take things slow and see where they end up. I’m fine with that, if you are.” Jasper smiled, leaning in to kiss Garnet. They pulled away from each other as they heard the door close. Vidalia and Amethyst slipped back into the booth. 

“You two are really cute together,” Vee said smiling across the table. Jasper blushed, turning her head away from her friends. “Aww, red really is a good color on you!” 

“Leave her alone Vee, you know she embarrasses easily. It’s almost like she doesn’t want anyone to know she has feelings,” Amethyst teased. 

“Yeah, yeah, enough,” Jasper said as Garnet tightened her grip on Jasper’s hand below the table. She leaned her head against Garnet’s shoulder again.

“Your head still hurt?” Amethyst asked, this time without the teasing tone. Vee wrinkled her forehead and looked towards Amethyst. “We had a sparring match today. I may have kicked her in the head.” 

“I’m fine,” Jasper said, lifting her head to look at her friends. “But yeah, the headache is coming back. I think I might have to bail on you guys.” She gave Amethyst and Vee an apologetic look.

“No problem, it’s late anyway. I should close up.” Vidalia said with a smile. 

 

In the car, Jasper closed her eyes, hoping it would ease her headache. “Did you and Vee work stuff out?” She asked her roommate. 

“Yeah,” Amethyst said, clearly deep in thought. “I dunno. Can we talk about it later?” 

“Of course.”


	11. she's a blood sucking part of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: a lot of talk about Lapis' state of mind and abuse

The buzzing sound was irritating, but Jasper wasn’t awake enough to figure out what it was. She finally realized her phone was vibrating against the table. 

 

_Hi. I know this is weird, but can we talk sometime? I understand if you don’t want to, but I think I owe you an explanation. – L_

 

Jasper rubbed her eyes and re-read the text message, wondering if she had read that correctly. After the third or fourth time, she was sure. Lapis wanted to talk. Why would Lapis want to talk to her? Was she trying to get her back? Was it a trick to make her feel worse than she already does? Jasper inhaled deeply. _Okay. I’m already moving on from her. What she did was shitty, but she doesn’t control me._ Jasper sighed as her finger slid over the screen.

 

_An explanation for what, Lapis? – J_

 

Jasper put the phone down and then reconsidered, picking it back up and texting Amethyst. 

_You up yet? – J_

Jasper draped her arm over her head and sighed. In no time, she heard a knock on her bedroom door and she called to Amethyst to let herself in. 

“Morning,” Amethyst said sleepily as she made her way to Jasper’s bed. As she did, Jasper picked up her phone again. “Who are you texting so early? Garnet?” Amethyst asked with a yawn before sprawling across the other side of her roommate’s bed. Jasper just groaned and passed her phone to Amethyst. 

 

_Hi. I know this is weird, but can we talk sometime? I understand if you don’t want to, but I think I owe you an explanation. – L_  
_An explanation for what, Lapis? – J_  
_An apology. – L_

 

“Lapis wants to APOLOGIZE?” Now Amethyst was fully awake and only a little confused. “Why would she want to do that? And why now?” Jasper shrugged. 

“I have no idea. It’s weird, isn’t it?” Jasper took her phone back and looked at the conversation again. “Maybe she really just wants to apologize.” Amethyst snorted at the thought. 

“I don’t believe her. And I don’t trust her. But, I mean … if you want to let her say her piece, go for it. Just be careful okay? I mean, don’t let her corner you, or manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to.” Jasper groaned. She wasn’t really in the mood for this. She didn’t trust Lapis either, but she still felt like maybe she deserved a chance to apologize. 

“Maybe she deserves a chance …” Jasper said softly. Amethyst could feel rage boiling in her chest as she closed her eyes and inhaled as slowly as she could. She had to remember that Jasper still felt guilty about the situation. That Jasper still, deep down, blamed herself. She would never get through to her roommate if she just started yelling. 

“Jasp?” Amethyst said slowly. Jasper put her phone down but didn’t make eye contact with Amethyst. “Jasper, it isn’t about what she deserves. You don’t owe her anything. You were in a relationship where she took advantage of you and manipulated you. And it was in your best interest to leave, because you shouldn’t be treated like that.” Amethyst sat up, facing away from Jasper. “If you want to let her apologize, you should. But don’t feel like it is something you have to do. If the idea makes you feel crappy, then just tell her you don’t want to talk. You don’t owe it to her.” Amethyst stretched as she stood and walked towards the door. “I’m gonna make breakfast. If you’re up for it, there’ll be plenty,” she said as she closed the door behind her. 

Jasper went into the bathroom and decided to take a shower. She stood under the water and tried to sort out her thoughts. Her relationship with Lapis had been terrible and Jasper had mostly come to terms with the idea that it wasn’t her fault. But somewhere in the back of her mind, she still felt like she owed Lapis this conversation. Amethyst’s words ran through her head repeatedly, “Don’t feel like it is something you have to do. If the idea makes you feel crappy, then just tell her you don’t want to talk. You Don’t Owe It To Her.” 

Jasper sighed. _I don’t owe it to her. I don’t have to see her if I don’t want to._ But Jasper began to wonder if she actually wanted to. Maybe she wanted the opportunity to stand in front of Lapis and tell her this was the last time they would speak. She thought about what it would feel like to make it clear she has started a new life that Lapis wasn’t welcome in. She stood in her room towel drying her hair and staring at her phone. She finally made a decision.

 

_I’ll be at the gym this afternoon. We can talk there when I’m done, around 4. – J_

 

Jasper sat down at the kitchen table with Amethyst. “Want some? There’s still plenty on the stove,” Amethyst said mid mouthful. Jasper thought about it for a moment before getting up. 

“Yeah. Actually, I do.” She pulled a small bowl out of the cabinet and served herself. Amethyst smiled, happy to see her roommate making an effort to eat. Jasper sat back down and began to eat. “I forgot how great your food always is roomie.” Amethyst just smiled. Soon, Amethyst had finished eating and started to put the food away. 

“So, figure out what you’re gonna do about Lapis?” Amethyst looked over her shoulder as she said this. 

“Yeah. I did.” Jasper sighed softly. “I’m gonna talk to her. I told her we could talk after I was done at the gym today. I think … I think I want to let her explain. And then, I want to make it clear I’m done with this.” Amethyst smiled to herself as Jasper spoke. 

“Alright. Well, I’ll be around. You know, if you need back up or whatever.” 

“I don’t want to drag you into this Am.” 

“What? You aren’t dragging me into anything. I’ve got your back,” Amethyst said sitting back down at the table. “I won’t start shit with Lapis, promise. I’m just here if you need me, okay?” Jasper smiled at her roommate. 

“Yeah. Okay, I mean, I think I’ll be okay, but it’s good to know I’ve got you roomie.” 

\---

Jasper sat on the floor of the training room stretching. She was trying incredibly hard to keep her calm and not give in to the anxiety that was building up inside her. She was beginning to worry that the text message Lapis sent wasn’t sincere, that she was planning something. Japer pulled her phone out of her bag and saw a text from Amethyst. 

_I’m in the locker room waiting for you. If you need me, just text. You’ve got this. – A_

Jasper took a deep breath. _Even in these chains you can’t stop me._ As she looked up, Lapis stood in the doorway. She had obviously come from the pool and her hair was still dripping as she fidgeted with her skirt. “Can I come in?” She asked. Jasper just nodded. Lapis carefully entered the training room, walking its perimeter before finally sitting across from Jasper. They were both quiet, lost in their own thoughts until Jasper spoke. 

“You asked me here, Lapis. What do you want to talk about?” It was clear there was no malice in her voice, just an interest in getting on with this awkward situation. Lapis sighed, knowing it was her move. 

“I wanted to apologize, Jasper. And yes, there is so much for me to apologize for, just please, let me speak? When I’m done you can decide if you forgive me or not.” Lapis looked up at Jasper and Jasper just nodded. “I didn’t want things to end the way they did. It was never what I wanted! When we met, I thought you were so … interesting. You were smart and creative … and funny. I liked spending time with you and I was so happy when you told me you liked spending time with me, too. 

“But, the more I was with you, the more I noticed everyone else. I saw how the rest of the world looked at you, they saw in you the same things I saw, and I was jealous. I was afraid you’d notice how people looked at you, and I was angry you drew their stares. So, I did the best I could to keep you from recognizing their glances. I loved you, Jasper, and I wanted to make sure you never left me. 

“After a while, I started to enjoy it. The control I had over you, the way you would do whatever you could to make me happy. I lost myself in it, I was terrible to you, I liked taking everything out on you! It wasn’t long before I was just battling to keep you bound to me.” Lapis looked up at Jasper and shook her head. 

“What we had wasn’t healthy. It was … it was bad, so bad. And all because I wanted control. I convinced myself what I was doing was okay, that it couldn’t be wrong because I loved you. I did horrible things. I tried to take away your friends, I dislocated your shoulder.” Lapis turned away from Jasper as she finished. “I’m so so sorry, Jasper. And honestly, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I’m not asking for it.” The two sat in silence until finally, Jasper spoke. 

“I’ve got to know, what brought you to this, Lapis? Why have you suddenly decided to apologize for all your abuse?” Jasper’s stare was focused. She looked at Lapis demanding an answer. Lapis looked back, she seemed worn out. 

“I realized that without you, I only had myself. And one day, I looked into the mirror … and realized the person looking back was incredibly unhappy. And that it was my own fault.” Jasper took a deep breath. She felt sorry for Lapis. The shorter woman looked weak, broken. She wasn’t the person Jasper had loved. Finally, Jasper found her thoughts. 

“You were awful towards me, and our relationship was terrible. I didn’t deserve what you did to me. But you deserved better, too Lapis. You deserve to be happy, just like I do. And for me to be happy, I need you out of my life. Thank you for apologizing. I hope you can figure things out.” Jasper ran her hand through Lapis’ hair looking into her eyes for the last time. “Good bye, Lapis.” 

Jasper picked up her bag and slowly walked to the locker room. Amethyst was waiting, but Jasper wasn’t interested in talking. Amethyst predicted her roommate’s mood and had already pulled her things from her locker. “Ready to head home?” Jasper just nodded. Amethyst gave her roommate a hug before she picked up their bags and the two headed out to the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember folks,  
> just because Jasper decided to let Lapis apologize, doesn't mean someone in a similar situation has to.   
> just because Jasper voiced that Lapis deserved to be happy, doesn't mean someone in a similar situation needs to have the same feelings.   
> when someone wrongs you, you are entitled to feeling whatever way you feel.


	12. Everything I do you do along with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just wallow in sadness and can't seem to find a way out.

Jasper was sprawled across the couch not doing much of anything. She had been staring at the ceiling for a while, when Amethyst came in and sat on the floor. 

“What’s going on with you?” Amethyst asked gently, but Jasper hadn’t even noticed her roommate’s entry. After a while, Amethyst tried again. “Jasp? Hey.” The blonde startled and looked around the room before focusing on Amethyst. 

“Huh?” 

“What’s up? You’ve been staring at nothing for almost an hour.” Jasper looked away as Amethyst questioned her. “Is everything okay?” Jasper shook her head. It was less of a reply and more of an intentional dismissal of her current feelings. Amethyst decided not to push. The two sat in silence for a while more before Jasper spoke softly. 

“I’m alright. I’m just thinking,” She said slowly. Jasper slid further down the couch and rested her arm over her head. “What’s the point,” she mumbled. “I’m broken, maybe even beyond repair.” She let out a sigh before she continued. “I don’t function properly, I’m not sure I ever have.”

“What … what are you talking about?” Amethyst replied, confused by her roommate’s words. Jasper sighed again. 

“When I was growing up …” Jasper trailed off mid-sentence, unsure where she was going. “My aunt never wanted to raise me, but she did what she had to. No one in school knew I was related to my cousins never mind that we grew up almost as sisters. They had a different last name and they liked it that way. I guess I don’t blame them. Who would want to admit being related to the dumb jock?” Jasper removed her arm from her head and laughed bitterly. “My aunt was shocked when I got into college. She had believed her kids when they told her I was dumb. I moved out.” 

She stopped speaking for a while. Amethyst didn’t bother her. She knew Jasper would start up again when she had decided what she wanted to say. After a long silence, Jasper spoke. “I’ve always been alone and I think I’m always going to be.” 

“Oh come on, ya dumb lug!” Amethyst said kneeling up and punching at Jasper’s arm playfully. “You’re not alone. You’ve got me. You’ve got _Garnet_.” Amethyst sighed as she settled back down on the floor, leaning against the couch. “We’re all broken, Jasp. None of us can be repaired … but who says we have to be?” 

After a while, Amethyst disappeared. Jasper heard the faint sound of water and assumed Amethyst decided to shower and get dressed. Jasper continued to sulk on the couch. She wasn’t in the mood to put on proper clothes, she wasn’t in the mood to suck it up and be functional, she just wanted to let it consume her for a while … whatever this emotion was. 

“Hey Jasper?” Amethyst said gently as she stood in the hall. The blonde tilted her head in Amethyst’s direction. “I’m gonna go see Vee for a little bit. I’ll be back for dinner, is that cool?” Jasper made a noncommittal sound as Amethyst moved towards the door. “Oh, and you have a visitor.” Amethyst opened the door to their apartment and slipped out, leaving Garnet standing in the doorway. 

“Hi Jasper,” Garnet’s voice was low but it still startled Jasper. She looked up to see the tall, dark-haired woman standing in the living room. 

“Uhh, hey, uhmm … Hi Garnet. What are you doing here?” Jasper sat up awkwardly, running her fingers through her messy hair. Garnet smiled. She thought Jasper looked perfectly endearing, her hair spiking up randomly in messy points, the worn sweatshirt and soccer shorts, the wrinkles from sleep under Jasper’s eyes that hadn’t been rubbed away yet. She could feel a deep emotion settling in her chest as she reached out her hand to help Jasper up. She pulled her close and hesitantly gave her a kiss. Slowly, her fingers found their way into Jasper’s hair as the kiss deepened. 

Jasper eventually pulled away, avoiding eye contact with Garnet as her cheeks flushed. “Amethyst suggested I stop by. She thought you could use some company.” Jasper nervously ran her hand through her hair. 

“Uhmm. Let me just take a shower. I … I’ll be right back.” Garnet pulled Jasper back for one more kiss before nodding and taking a seat.

It wasn’t long before Jasper was back in the living room. Her hair was pulled into a bun, dripping down her back. She hadn’t exactly put on proper clothing, opting for a tank top over a sports bra and sweatpants, but she looked far more put together than she felt she had previously. She slipped onto the couch beside Garnet wordlessly. 

“Welcome back,” Garnet greeted her warmly, wrapping her arm around Jasper’s shoulder and pulling her close. Jasper hesitantly leaned towards Garnet. “Go ahead, I don’t mind.” She rested her head on Garnet’s shoulder, conscious of the cold water now dripping down both their backs. Jasper reached behind Garnet and wrapped her arms around her waist, holding her just a little more tightly than expected. After a moment, Garnet spoke gently, “What’s wrong?” 

The words echoed through Jasper’s head. _What’s wrong? What’s wrong? What’s wrong?_ Over and over until she finally seemed to understand the question. As the question became more clear, so did the answer. Jasper tightly closed her eyes, trying to will away her thoughts. 

Garnet was startled by a soft noise, almost a sob but without the tears. She gently ran her thumb along Jasper’s jaw as she settled into the couch. “Several years ago, I was dating a wonderful person,” Garnet started. “She reminded me of the embodiment of peace. She was always so calm, so gentle. When we were alone, everything was perfect; I fit perfectly in her arms, I could cradle her face perfectly in my hands, we were in love.” Garnet sighed softly. She could hear Jasper’s breathing slow. “We were happy for a while, until … She lied to me. Not just a white lie, she … she was manipulating me. When I found out … I was incredibly angry. I couldn’t think straight and I accused her of some terrible things. When it was over, she felt horrible and we couldn’t even look at each other.” 

Garnet paused, pressing her shoulders into the couch. Jasper had eased her grip on Garnet and her body had relaxed slightly. Garnet absentmindedly ran her fingers down Jasper’s shoulder. “After a long time, we finally talk about it. It turns out, I was making her feel … uncomfortable. She said she felt like I would turn off whenever I was upset, and she couldn’t figure out what was wrong or how to help. She realized there were certain things I would respond to, and she was trying to get me to be more responsive.” Garnet sighed again, this time deep and slow. “She apologized for being manipulative and knew what she had done was wrong. But, I hadn’t realized I had been making her feel so isolated in our relationship. After thinking about it for a while, I rationalized that I was coping with a lot of my past by making sure to separate it from my present. I was pushing her and others away.” 

Jasper leaned over and kissed Garnet. It started slow, but grew deeper as the blonde turned, pulling Garnet towards her. As Jasper let up, Garnet pulled her towards her lap and Jasper settled in with her back against Garnet’s chest. Jasper laced her fingers with Garnet’s while her other hand reached behind her into the thick, dark hair. “What made you bring that up?” Jasper asked cautiously. 

“I’ve made mistakes in relationships before, too. You’ve got flaws, Jasper. We all do. I’m never going to be perfect, and neither are you. But we don’t want you to be perfect, we want you to be human, I want you to be human. I want you to do the best you can, acknowledge when you’ve done something bad, and work on doing better next time. Being flawed, being damaged, it doesn’t make you less deserving of anything, it just makes you human.” Garnet kissed Jasper’s neck as Jasper leaned her head back against Garnet. 

Jasper let herself rest against Garnet, trying to calm her mind. As she did, she became more aware of how tense her body was. Garnet was gently running her fingers over Jasper’s shoulder, but the blonde woman was restless. She thought about talking to Garnet, telling her what had been on her mind all day, but she wasn’t sure if she could share that kind of thing with her. Almost as if she could read Jasper’s mind, Garnet spoke. “If you want to talk, Jasper, I’m happy to listen. I care about you, but I understand if you would rather not.” Jasper gave a stifled grunt, almost as if she was arguing with herself. After a few deep breaths, Jasper felt like she was able to speak. 

“I spoke with Lapis yesterday, she asked if we could talk. She wanted to apologize. I decided to give her a chance and we met at the gym. She seemed to genuinely want to apologize and explain herself. She told me she treated me the way she did because she never wanted me to leave her. She was afraid I would find someone else. She acknowledged that she behaved terribly and that she had been unfair and treated me poorly.” Jasper dropped Garnet’s hand and began to slowly wring her shirt between her fingers. 

“I told her I deserved better, but I also told her she deserved to be happy. I said we wouldn’t find happiness together and that this was the last time we were going to see each other. In the moment, I was proud of myself for being clear about what I needed and wanted. But later that night, I thought about it more and started to panic. What if she was the only one who would ever really want me? Or could find me … desirable?” Jasper sat up, separating herself from Garnet. She had a dense feeling of regret building in her stomach. How could she have just told the woman she wants to be dating that she was afraid Lapis was the only one who would find her worthy of being with? 

Garnet reached out, but pulled her hand back. “Jasper?” When she didn’t respond, Garnet stood and walked into the kitchen. She returned with two glasses of water, placing one in front of Jasper. She was happy to see the blonde woman had calmed down slightly. It seemed like she was consciously trying to slow her breathing. After a moment, Jasper drank some of the water. 

“Garnet,” Jasper said after a long silence. “I like you. A lot. … Stupidly a lot. … Amethyst makes fun of how I can’t form a coherent sentence when I see you. But … after talking to Lapis … it’s obvious I have a lot going on.” Jasper took a deep breath and looked up at Garnet. She had her sunglasses pushed into her hair and was looking at Jasper with the most kind, concerned face Jasper had ever seen. “I want to do this, but I want to make sure you’re okay with all of this.” 

“I like you too, Jasper,” Garnet replied, smiling. “I get it, and I want to do this too.” She laced her fingers between Jasper’s and pulled her closer, her mouth next to Jasper’s ear. “We can move forward together.” Jasper smiled, shaking her hands loose from Garnet's and wrapping her arms around Garnet's waist. 

“So … maybe … be my girlfriend?”


	13. Chapter 13

“You got the part where I said I’m not singing, right?” Jasper glared at Amethyst who was clearly ignoring her. 

“It’s such a cool place! It’s the whole warehouse! Laser tag in the back, a go-kart track, darts, karaoke, arcade games, they have EVERYTHING! You can even win tickets and get dumb prizes, and the bar has great drinks.” Vidalia laughed as Amethyst dragged her through the parking lot. Jasper just rolled her eyes as Garnet giggled. 

“She’s having fun. It’s sweet,” Garnet said as she pulled Jasper towards her by the hand. 

“You won’t think it’s sweet once we start playing laser tag. Amethyst is ruthless,” Jasper replied looking up at Garnet. She glanced ahead of them and saw Amethyst was still talking to Vidalia. “Hey,” Jasper whispered as she stopped. Garnet stopped with her, still smiling at the other couple. “You look … really beautiful.” Garnet blushed as Jasper grinned at her. 

“Thanks, Jasper.” Jasper kissed Garnet’s cheek before they made their way to catch up with Amethyst and Vidalia. 

 

“Taking her out for her birthday, huh?” The bouncer questioned after checking Garnet’s id. Jasper gave an indifferent shrug and smiled. “Well, have a good time.” He turned to face Garnet, “And Happy Birthday.” 

When they entered the warehouse they were all struck by how large it was. Even though Jasper had been here a few times, she still marveled at all the stuff they managed to fit and really, just how far back the building went. 

“Let’s sign up for laser tag to be sure we get a game in,” Amethyst said before heading towards the back of the building. They walked past the go-kart track and some pool tables before eventually reaching the end of the walkway. 

“This place is huge,” Garnet said, mostly to herself. Once they had put their names in for laser tag, Vidalia suggested they get some food. Amethyst and Garnet headed towards the bar while Vidalia and Jasper found a table where they could play darts. 

“You know,” Vidalia started as Jasper collected the darts from the board. “I never thanked you for what you did that night at the bar.” Jasper stood in silence, not quite understanding Vidalia’s comment. “That disagreement I had with Amethyst. It was just really nice of you to come outside and talk to me.”

“Oh, no problem,” Jasper replied. “Things good now?” 

“Well, we talked. I don’t want her to think that she isn’t important. She means so much to me. But I think things are okay for now.” Vidalia gave Jasper a half smile as they both sat down at the table. “And what about you and G?” 

“Things are fine. I guess we’re officially dating? I dunno. I’m just going with it.” Jasper smiled at Vidalia. 

“She must really like you, ya know.” Vidalia laughed as she spoke. “She NEVER goes out on her birthday.” 

“Yeah, she set some rules, but I think it will be fun.” Garnet and Amethyst returned, dropping food and drinks off at the table. Jasper wondered if something was wrong, Garnet looked less than pleased. 

“The bartender gave us free drinks for G’s birthday!” Amethyst proclaimed as she gave Vidalia her drink. Garnet tried to force a smile but it didn’t quite pass. 

“Darts runt, you and me,” Jasper said to Amethyst as she let her fingers trail over Garnet’s arm. They moved towards the dart board and Jasper nudged Amethyst intentionally. 

“Ugh, what?” 

“Garnet doesn’t really … like celebrating her birthday. I only got her to agree to come as long as everyone in the place didn’t find out. Can you … you know?” Amethyst bit her lip as Jasper spoke. “I want this to be a good night for her, that’s all.” 

“Yeah. I’m sorry Jasp. I didn’t know. … I think birthdays are awesome, I forget other people don’t like them as much as I do. I’ll fix it.” Amethyst went back to the table as Jasper tossed the darts effortlessly at the board. “Hey,” Amethyst said to Garnet before she took a bite out of a chicken finger. “I’m sorry, about telling the bartender about your birthday. Birthdays are important to me, I get to celebrate the fact that I’ve got amazing friends in my life.” Amethyst took another bite of her food and chewed thoughtfully. “But, I know some people don’t love their birthday, and I’m sorry.” 

“S’okay,” Garnet replied. “It isn’t a big deal, can we just keep it to ourselves for the rest of the night?” 

“Sure thing, G.” Amethyst took another chicken finger and headed back to the dart board. 

 

An hour later, Amethyst and Vidalia were playing their tie breaking game of darts while Jasper and Garnet watched from the table. 

“We should tell them our laser tag game is gonna start soon,” Garnet said watching Vidalia’s attempt at distracting Amethyst. 

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Jasper asked, ignoring Garnet’s comment.

“Huh?” 

“Are you having fun? I mean, after all, it is your birthday. I want you to be enjoying yourself.” Garnet smiled at Jasper. 

“I’m having a great time babe, don’t worry so much about it.” Jasper started to speak but was cut-off by the overhead announcement for their laser tag game. 

“Laser tag time!” Amethyst called as she pulled Vidalia away from the table. 

 

Amethyst stood behind a pillar watching Garnet. The tall woman was guarding her team’s “base”. Amethyst was pretty sure she could hit Garnet, freezing her laser for a few seconds and rack up some points for her team before retreating back to her side of the playing field. They weren’t hard shots. Amethyst had taken similar ones before. The opposing team often aimed too low, overcompensating for Amethyst’s height giving her a few extra seconds to pull off her own shot. She waited for Garnet to turn slightly and went for it. As Amethyst stepped out from the pillar she was hiding behind, her vest vibrated. “Aww man!” She looked around but couldn’t see who had hit her. She decided to head back before she was hit again. Her gun was frozen for the next 10 seconds anyway. Garnet laughed to herself as she saw Amethyst slink towards her base. “Nice shot,” she said, seemingly to no one. 

Amethyst tried several more times to take out Garnet and the opposing team’s base, but every time she was hit by an unseen player. Finally, Amethyst decided to spend the rest of the game going after someone else. The game finally ended and everyone stood in front of the score board waiting to see how they did. 

“Did you guard the base the entire game?” Vidalia asked Garnet. “What!? How is your score so high?” Garnet laughed.

“A lot of people want to try and take the base. I just waited for them.” Amethyst headed over to a computer where she could see her personal stats like how many times she was hit, who hit her the most, and how many people she hit.

“Your score’s pretty high too Jasp,” Vidalia said with a smile. Jasper just looked at Garnet with a sly grin.

“YOU!” Amethyst shouted as she pointed at Jasper. “Where were you hiding?? How did you get me EVERY TIME!” Garnet began to giggle while Vidalia looked from Jasper to Amethyst, clearly quite confused. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Am,” Jasper said with a grin. 

“Oh bullshit!” Amethyst turned to Vidalia. “She cheated. There is no way she could pick me off every time I got to their base without me ever seeing her!” Vidalia put her hand on Amethyst’s shoulder in an attempt to calm her. 

“Am, relax will you?” 

“No. How did you do it, Jasper?” 

“Where’s the fun in telling you?” Jasper laughed as Amethyst squinted her eyes. 

“Tell. Me.” Jasper turned to Garnet and shrugged. 

“I told you she was brutal when it comes to this game. Am, you’re short! We’ve talked about this. Everyone goes high and then over compensates for your height. I just went low.” 

“She was with me,” Garnet said with a chuckle. “Sitting behind that poor excuse for a rock formation.” 

“Aww, you ruined it! Now I can’t do that again.”

“You had your fun,” Garnet said, kissing Jasper’s cheek. 

“That was cruel Jasp. You owe me,” Amethyst grumbled as they walked back towards the tables. 

“Nope. It was strategy and it’s not my fault you’re bad at it.” Amethyst’s grumbling continued as they found a place to sit down. “Come to the bar with me. I’ll buy you a drink okay?” Jasper said as she rolled her eyes. “Vidalia? Garnet?” They each shook their head as Amethyst made a display of getting back up out of her chair. “Ginger ale and water, got it,” Jasper said with a smile. “Come on Am.” 

Amethyst dragged her feet as she followed Jasper to the bar. “You know,” she said, clearly still upset, “I’m gonna get you back.” Jasper leaned over and wrapped her arm around Amethyst. 

“Oh come on, it’s just a game Am, and besides, it wasn’t like I just targeted you!” Amethyst didn’t seem to care. “Hey, is something bothering you? I mean, besides the game?” 

“No,” Amethyst replied sharply as she moved towards the bar, waiting for the bartender. Once their drinks were ordered, Jasper tried again. 

“Am, what’s going on?” 

“It’s stupid,” Amethyst finally replied. “I’m just feeling … a little jealous. Laser tag used to be our thing and … you know.” 

“It’s still our thing! You know we’re unstoppable when we team up. And … we’re always a team. I’ve always got your back.” Amethyst stopped pouting and nodded at her roommate. 

“Yeah, and I’ve got yours.” 

“How about we do a roomies night out that doesn’t involve Vee or Garnet? We can hang out in the apartment, order food, watch TV, whatever.” Jasper elbowed Amethyst gently. “It will be fun, promise.”

“Yeah, okay,” Amethyst said with a smile as they returned to their table. As they sat down, Vidalia lifted her glass. 

“Happy Birthday, Garnet.” 

“Yes, Happy Birthday!” 

“Happy Birthday!!”


	14. Chapter 14

Jasper leaned against Garnet and reached for the remote. They had decided to spend the afternoon lounging in Jasper and Amethyst’s living room. Amethyst had gone to the mall then planned to meet Vidalia for dinner. Jasper and Garnet would be alone for much of the evening. Jasper switched from cable to Netflix and scrolled through the titles. “Sappy romance movie? … Cliché fighting flick? … Dark heist movie? … Guns and stuff? … Cars and bikes? … Uhmm Animated? … and that’s all I’ve got.” Garnet leaned over and pressed her lips to Jasper’s neck. Jasper could feel her brain short circuiting. “Uhhhh d-dark heist m-movie then?” Garnet laughed. 

“Sure. That sounds fine.” Jasper hit the select button and tossed the remote back onto the couch. Garnet wrapped her arms around Jasper and pulled her close.

“Have you seen this one before?” Garnet asked softly. Jasper nodded. “Did you like it?”

“It’s okay,” Jasper responded, relaxing into Garnet’s arms. “Have you seen it?” Garnet didn’t answer, instead she ran her hands beneath Jasper’s shirt, resting them against the warm flesh of Jasper’s stomach. 

“Does it matter? I’m just enjoying being here with you.” Jasper laughed. “But yes, I’ve seen it. I liked it.” They watched the movie in silence, Garnet’s arms still wrapped around Jasper. After a while, Garnet could feel and hear Jasper’s stomach voicing what seemed like displeasure. “How’s eating been going for you recently babe? Your stomach sounds hungry.”

“It’s been okay actually. I’m still pretty nauseous a lot, but I’m eating consistently for the most part. Maybe we should think about dinner?” Garnet kissed Jasper in agreement, guiding her girlfriend up from her lap. They headed to the kitchen and Jasper opened the fridge. 

“What do you want to make?” Garnet asked, peering over Jasper’s shoulder to see into the refrigerator. 

Jasper shook her head. “Whatever. Any suggestions?”

“You’ve got tofu?” Garnet asked surprised. Jasper turned to look at her, equally surprised. 

“Yeah. What? You don’t like tofu?” Garnet tried to keep her facial expression neutral. “You don’t, do you?! G, it takes on the flavor of whatever you cook it with! How can you not like tofu?” Jasper straightened, closing the door to the refrigerator and turning to look at Garnet. “Is it a texture thing?” she said more gently this time. 

“No,” Garnet relied, blushing slightly. “I didn’t like the taste when I tried it.” 

“Oh.” Jasper thought for a moment. “You have to know how to cook it. It’s pretty easy, but missing steps can make it taste …” 

“Gross?” Garnet supplied. Jasper just laughed. 

“Did you want to try it again? I can make some.” Garnet wrinkled her nose and Jasper laughed again. “Okay. What should we make then?” Garnet opened the freezer and spotted the package of stir-fry vegetables. 

“Stir-fry and fried rice?” 

Jasper pulled out the bag of vegetables. “Sure. But I’ve never made fried rice before.” Garnet opened the fridge and began pulling things out. 

“I’ll make the rice. You can cook the veggies?” 

“Sounds like a deal,” Jasper grinned. 

 

The two sat down to eat and Jasper handed Garnet a bowl and a serving spoon. “Cooking with you is fun. We should do it more.” Garnet reached for Jasper’s other hand, pulling the blonde towards her for a kiss. Jasper yelped and immediately Garnet was standing next to her. 

“Are you okay?” Garnet had taken the serving bowl from Jasper and placed it on the table as Jasper held her arm close to her body. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.” Jasper closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. 

“Jasper, you aren’t fine.” Garnet slide her hand under the sleeve of Jasper’s shirt and touched her shoulder. It felt strangely warm. “You’ve got a tank top on under this right?” Jasper nodded. “Let me help you take this off.” Garnet eased the shirt past Jasper’s shoulders and over her head. “It’s swollen. Mostly here.” Garnet grazed her fingers over the back part of Jasper’s shoulder. “Sit down.” 

Garnet grabbed a bag of frozen corn and a kitchen towel, draping the towel over Jasper’s shoulder first and placing the corn on top. “Try not to move it while you eat.” She spooned some fried rice in a bowl and put vegetables on top before handing it to Jasper. Once they had settled down to eat again, Jasper finally spoke. 

“I guess I need to call the doctor again.” Garnet looked up at her girlfriend, unsure what to say. “I probably need to see that specialist. I’ve been avoiding going, hoping it would just get better.” 

“I don’t think it’s going to just get better. But I understand. It’s okay to be scared.” Jasper broke eye contact and looked down at her food. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that I know it’s hard to think about what could happen. I have a lot of anxiety over the future, and I know getting your shoulder looked at makes whatever’s wrong with it real. But, the longer you let it go, the more damage you could do to it.” 

“I know,” Jasper said with a sigh. “I have the specialist’s name and everything. I’ll make the appointment tomorrow.” She looked up at Garnet and smiled. “The fried rice is really good.”

“Thanks.” Garnet blushed as she went back to eating her dinner.


	15. Chapter 15

Jasper played with her phone, swiping the screen back and forth without paying attention to what she was doing. It had been 20 minutes and she was expecting her wait to continue for a while. That was until she was startled by the sound of a young man calling her name. “Uhh, that’s me,” Jasper said making fleeting eye contact. The man smiled kindly and directed her through the door and down a cluttered hallway. He stopped at another door and held it open for her. 

“Please, sit down. I’m just going to ask you a few questions and then the specialist will be in to talk with you.” Jasper sat anxiously on the edge of the plastic seat while the technician poked at the keyboard. “So, Jasper? How did you injure your shoulder?” Jasper cringed at the question, but luckily her face wasn’t seen. “You look like boxing might be your thing, am I close?” The technician turned around and smiled at Jasper. 

“Yeah,” Jasper replied, feeling a little more at ease. “Haven’t been doing as much recently though. You know, with my shoulder and stuff.” 

“I’m into Judo myself. But don’t worry, the doctor will check you out and have you fixed up in no time I’m sure. Just let me check your date of birth, and then your blood pressure and temperature and you’ll be all set.” About 15 minutes later, the specialist knocked on the door. 

“Hey Jasper! I’m glad you made an appointment. I mean, I’m not glad your shoulder has been bothering you, but I’m glad you’re here so we can get it fixed up.” She logged into the computer and looked at some of the notes that had been entered. “Well, the imaging suggests that your shoulder has indeed gotten worse. So, I’m really glad you decided to come in. I think surgery would be the best solution.” She showed Jasper the image of her shoulder and the location that needed surgical repair. 

Jasper stared at the image before pointing to a section away from the bone. “What’s that?” 

“That’s inflammation. It’s part of the problem. There is extra strain because of the swelling, but it is also swelling because of the strain. I know you’ve been trying to avoid surgery, but I think it is the best solution.” She paused when she noticed how unsure Jasper looked. “But ultimately it’s up to you Jasper. If you don’t want the surgery, I can suggest some other treatments. But, I think the surgery would be best. And the other treatments are less likely to give you full range back in your arm.” Jasper unconsciously rubbed at her shoulder. “Here,” the specialist replied, handing Jasper a follow up card. “Think about it and give us a call to make a follow-up appointment. If you just want to talk more, or if you want to talk about other treatments, just ask for a follow up. If you decide you want the surgery, ask for a surgical appointment and consultation. Nothing’s binding until you’re under anesthetic. You’re free to change your mind anytime you want, alright?” 

Jasper nodded, accepting the card and pamphlets from the doctor before walking back out into the waiting room. She checked out at the reception desk and pulled her jacket on before walking home. The solitary walk reminding her of how unsure she felt. 

When Jasper arrived home she immediately went to her room and flopped onto her bed. She had been hoping to avoid surgery, but somehow, she had known she wasn’t going to be able to. She scanned her text messages and saw a new one from Amethyst.

_Hey, how’d the dr’s go? -A_

_They suggested surgery. I dunno what to do. -J_

_Uhmm, get surgery duh? -A_   
_I’ll be home soon. How do you feel about tacos? I’ll cook. We can watch that new action movie. -A_

_Sure. -J_

 

She tossed her phone beside her and curled up with a pillow. Jasper knew part of her insecurity was that she had never had surgery before. The idea of being unconscious while she was being cut open made her feel anxious and vulnerable. What if something went wrong? What if she couldn’t speak for herself? Who would make sure she was alright? Before she realized it, she was drifting into an anxious sleep. 

 

“Jasp. Jasp come on, wake up!” Jasper opened her eyes slowly to Amethyst gently shaking her awake. 

“Huh?” 

“You must have fallen asleep after your appointment. I would have left you alone, but … no one likes cold tacos. If you don’t get up soon you’ll miss out.” 

Jasper rubbed her eyes and followed Amethyst to the kitchen. She was impressed by the spread on the table. It was a fully equipped make your own taco station. “This is amazing.” 

“Yeah. I don’t joke when it comes to tacos,” Amethyst smiled. They made their plates and went into the living room to watch a movie. As they settled down and the opening screen started, Amethyst looked over at Jasper. “You doing okay?” 

Jasper sighed. She was still thinking about the surgery. “I don’t want to get surgery, Am.”

Amethyst paused the movie and put down her plate. “But, you can’t live like this. Your shoulder is only going to get worse.” Jasper just sighed. “Jasp, what’s wrong?” 

“You’re just gonna make fun of me,” Jasper replied shaking her head.

“Come on. You know I only laugh with you!” Jasper avoided eye contact with her roommate. “Jasper, really, what’s wrong?”

“Eat your tacos, they’re gonna get cold.” 

“No! Don’t just dismiss me. If you don’t want to talk about it fine, but don’t ignore me.” Amethyst frowned at her roommate. “Jasper!” 

“I’m scared!” Jasper immediate clamped her hand over her mouth. Amethyst looked startled, but mostly because Jasper had yelled. 

“Of what part?” Amethyst asked gently. 

Jasper stared at her plate of taco filling. “Being alone, being unconscious. What if something happened? What if I can’t talk? What if no one listens to me?” Amethyst slid towards Jasper and wrapped her gently in a hug. 

“You won’t be alone. Did you really think Garnet and I would let you go get surgery by yourself? We’d both be there, and I’m sure Vee would want to come along too.” Jasper hadn’t thought her roommate would want to be at the hospital with her and she felt embarrassed to ask Garnet to come along. But Amethyst’s comment sounded so certain, as if there were no doubt Garnet and she would be along for the ride. “Hey,” Amethyst’s voice interrupted Jasper’s thoughts. “We would never let you do something like this alone. I promise. I’ll be as close to you as they’ll let me be the whole time.”

“Thanks, Am,” Jasper mumbled into her roommate’s shoulder. 

“Now, eat your tacos,” Amethyst said, smiling at her roommate.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who keep reading! I know chapters take me a while, but I hope you enjoy them. And I have a ko-fi page now!  
> [Buy Me a Coffee?](https://ko-fi.com/M4M3634Y)

Jasper sat in a hospital gown, prepped and almost ready for surgery. Garnet stood next to her while Amethyst sat in the chair near the bed. After several talks with her girlfriend and her best friend, Jasper was feeling better about this surgery. Garnet had gone with her when she spoke to the specialist about the risks and how likely it was something would go wrong. Amethyst had bought all the ingredients to make pumpkin raviolis for dinner when Jasper was home, promising that they would have a really wonderful get well quick dinner. 

The nurse was especially nice, allowing Garnet and Amethyst to be in the room with Jasper as long as possible. But, now it was time for Jasper to be wheeled down for surgery. Jasper wasn’t asleep yet, but the sedative they gave her had made her quite lethargic. Garnet squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek gently. “Even in these chains you can’t stop me,” she whispered to Jasper. 

Jasper smiled at her girlfriend, incredibly happy she was there. “I’m the big bad wolf,” Jasper said slowly, looking from Garnet to Amethyst. 

Amethyst leaned over the bed and gave Jasper a hug. “Let the games begin,” she said with a smile. The nurse directed the attendants to wheel the bed out of the room and the two women watched as Jasper was brought down the hall. “Guess we should head to the waiting room,” Amethyst said, shrugging at Garnet. 

\---

“Why have you never made these before?” Jasper asked, her mouth full of food. 

“Goss babe,” Garnet said laughing gently. 

“Because they’re a ton of work and I’m lazy,” Amethyst shrugged, drawing out the last word. “I didn’t even know you liked pumpkin raviolis until recently dude, what do you want from me?” 

“So, since this is a ‘get better fast’ dinner, are you getting better?” Vidalia asked looking up from her food. 

Jasper consciously swallowed before she began to speak. “I’m doing okay. I mean, it’s hard to tell. The doctor says everything looks okay and the surgery went well. I’ll need to wait until I can remove the sling before I can tell how it’s feeling.” 

Vidalia returned her gaze to her plate, “But you’re not in pain?” 

“Only a little. I’m fine with just ice and over the counter stuff most of the time. I only take the prescription stuff sometimes when I head to bed.” 

“Don’t let her fool you,” Amethyst laughed. “She might not be in pain, but that hasn’t kept her from whining.” 

“I don’t whine!” Garnet giggled as Jasper blushed. “Okay, but it’s only sometimes.” 

“You whine whenever someone is around to listen,” Garnet mumbled, looking down towards her plate to hide her smile. 

“Uh! Betrayed!” Jasper said, trying her best to look hurt. 

“You whine Jasper. This isn’t new,” Amethyst said while rolling her eyes. “But we still love you.” 

\---

Jasper closed her eyes as she leaned against Garnet. It was getting late, but she wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to her girlfriend’s comforting presence yet. Suddenly, she felt Garnet gently pushing her to a sitting position. “Huh?” Jasper said rubbing at her eye. 

“It’s the third time you’ve fallen asleep babe. Why don’t you just head to bed?” 

“No, it’s just that I’m not interested in the show. Let’s talk. For a little bit?” Jasper sat up properly to prove she was indeed awake. 

“Okay,” Garnet replied. “What do you want to talk about?” 

“I dunno,” Jasper said with a sigh. After a short silence, Jasper looked back over at Garnet. “Thank you, for everything you’ve done for me. Coming with me to my doctor’s appointments, staying with me before the surgery, I … really appreciate all the support.” 

“You’re very welcome,” Garnet said, kissing the side of Jasper’s head. 

“Hey,” Jasper said, remembering something she had meant to bring up. “Vidalia said you and your sister got into an argument the other day. You never mentioned it. Do you want to talk about it?” 

Garnet focused on the television. “Nah, it was nothing.” 

“Oh,” Jasper replied confused, “Vee seemed to think it was pretty important. She said you seemed really distressed over it.” Garnet continued to avoid eye contact. Jasper picked up the remote and turned the television off. “Garnet this isn’t fair. I don’t want a one-sided relationship with you. Do you just … not trust me?” 

“Of course I trust you,” Garnet said softly. 

“Well you don’t act like it!” Jasper stood and took a deep breath. She knew she had gone overboard and wasn’t going to get anywhere by shouting. “Maybe we should just call it a night,” she finally said. Garnet just nodded back at her. “I guess, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Garnet again just nodded before standing and giving Jasper a kiss. 

“Good night,” she said as she let herself out of the apartment. 

 

Jasper stared at the ceiling, trying to force herself to fall asleep, but she couldn’t get what had happened between her and Garnet out of her head. _I shouldn’t have shouted at her._ Jasper thought to herself. _Maybe it was unfair of me. She doesn’t have to tell me everything. Maybe she really just didn’t want to talk about it. On the other hand, why didn’t she tell me she was upset? She could have told me she fought with her sister and she was upset, but didn’t want to talk about it. Ugh, I don’t know. Am I expecting too much? I probably am._ With that, Jasper felt her phone vibrate at the corner of her bed. She was surprised to see Garnet was calling her. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi. You’re still up,” Garnet said. 

“Seems so,” Jasper replied. “You are too.” 

“Can we … talk?” Garnet said after a while. Jasper mumbled an affirmative. “I’m sorry I made you feel like I don’t trust you. I do. I trust you.” 

“You did have an argument with your sister then?” 

“Yes.” 

“Why didn’t you want to tell me about it?”

“Sardonyx and I have a complicated relationship. I just don’t like talking about what goes on between her and I.” 

“But,” Jasper sighed, “it’s not just stuff with Sardonyx. It’s more than that. You don’t have to tell me everything, but … I feel like you don’t tell me anything.” Jasper closed her eyes as she thought about what had been bothering her. “Sometimes I feel like … you don’t want me to really know you. Like you’re hiding yourself from me.” Jasper sighed again. “I just, I don’t know. Maybe it’s me. Maybe after everything, I just … I don’t know how to connect with people.” 

“That’s not true Jasper,” Garnet said gently. “I’m sorry. I care about you, I really do. And, you’re right, I do have a hard time letting people get to know me. But … I want to be better. I want you to know me.” Garnet paused, wondering if Jasper even believed her. “Can I try again?” 

“Of course you can Garnet. I’m not giving up on this, on us.” 

“Can we talk about what’s going on with Sar?” 

“If you want to.” 

“I’d really like it if we did.” 

 

The next morning Jasper dragged herself to the kitchen table. Amethyst had already made and finished breakfast. “I was just about to put the leftovers away,” she said as she cleaned a pan. “And you look like crap.” 

“I didn’t sleep much,” Jasper said as she put food onto her plate. “I was talking to Garnet.” 

“What are you, in high school?” Amethyst laughed. “She’s your girlfriend, she was at the apartment last night! Why are you missing out on sleep to talk to her?” 

“Ugh, long story,” Jasper replied as she sat down to eat. “And please, Casanova, wait to criticize my love life until you have your own under control.” 

“Wow, so we’re going for the low blows before noon. I see how it is. Maybe you need to take more pain meds.” 

“I’m sorry. Garnet and I sort of got into an argument last night before she left. She called me to apologize and work things out.” 

“Oh,” Amethyst said as she sat down at the table. “Are things good now?” 

“Yeah. I think so. We’re working on it. Is it weird to want to feel like … I know her? To feel like I know what she’s thinking or things she might like? To know what’s going on in her life?” 

“No? That’s pretty normal. Why?” Amethyst gave Jasper a confused look. 

“She’s been kind of distant. And I was wondering if I was maybe putting too much pressure on her.” Jasper sighed. “I don’t want her to feel like I need to know everything, but a part of me feels like she should at least tell me some things.” 

“Uhmm, okay, so have you told her this?” Amethyst asked. 

“Kind of, we talked a little about it last night.” 

“Does this have anything to do with … your previous relationships?” Amethyst said cautiously. Jasper just shrugged. “Ugh. Yes, she should tell you things. She should want to tell you things because she wants to feel close with you. And yes, you should want her to tell you things. But you’re right, you can’t force her to talk to you. She should feel like she can share things with you, or keep them to herself if that’s what she feels she needs to do.” Amethyst sighed again. “But, no, you shouldn’t feel like she keeps everything from you.” 

“Okay,” Jasper replied before going back to eating her breakfast.

“You’re not Lapis,” Amethyst said sincerely. “You’re not trying to control her. You can want things in a relationship without it being manipulative, Jasper.” Amethyst gently placed her hand on Jasper’s shoulder before heading out of the kitchen.


	17. Chapter 17

“Why are we doing this?” Jasper asked shaking her head. 

“Because, it’s fun!” 

“Alright, alright.” Amethyst fixed the projector and sprawled out onto the floor. She and Jasper were going to watch a cult classic movie projected onto the ceiling of the living room. “But for the record, the television is right there,” Jasper laughed. 

“Shut up!” Amethyst said as she positioned herself next to Jasper. “This is fun and it’s starting, so I don’t want to hear anymore.” Jasper agreed and the two watched the movie. They took turns quoting lines and pointing out inconstancies in the editing. Amethyst made them watch the alternative endings as well. 

As the credits rolled, Jasper had to laugh. “You were right, that was fun.” 

“Of course it was, _I_ know fun.” Amethyst quickly stood so she could help Jasper up from the floor. “How’s your shoulder?” 

“It’s … it’s okay. I told you the doctor said it was healing well, and it’s usually feeling pretty good.” 

“Just what I like to hear! So, what are you up to tonight?” Amethyst asked as she cleared the pillows from the floor.

“Garnet’s coming over. I’m gonna make dinner,” Jasper replied with a grin. 

Amethyst laughed, “Don’t burn the place down.” 

“What about you?” Jasper asked, pushing the table back into the center of the room. 

“Don’t do that! You’re supposed to be resting your arm.” 

“Fine,” Jasper stopped pushing the table. “So? What are you doing tonight?” 

“Probably going to see Pearl. Why, do you need warning before I come home?” 

Jasper blushed fiercely. “No. I was just wondering what you were up to. It’s not like Garnet and I would just be … you know.” Jasper paused, turning away from Amethyst. “I have a room with a door.” 

“Sometimes you just get carried away,” Amethyst said with a shrug as she headed down the hall. 

\---

As Jasper was finishing the dishes, Garnet slid her hands up Jasper’s shirt, kissing her neck as she did. “Ahh … I’m almost done,” Jasper whined, trying to resist the urge to just stop. “I owe it to Am to clean up,” she said. 

“Of course,” Garnet whispered into Jasper’s ear. “Oh, was this distracting?” Garnet giggled as she softly dragged her nails down Jasper’s stomach. She returned to her seat at the table, waiting for Jasper to finish.

Jasper placed the final dish in the drying rack and turned around. “Done,” she said with a smirk. Garnet casually stood from her chair and moved towards Jasper. The two grinned before each leaning forward, initiating the beginnings of a long kiss. “This could be fun,” Jasper said as Garnet pulled away from her. 

“It already is.” They headed to Jasper’s bedroom and sat on the bed. Garnet leaned over, tugging Jasper into another kiss, this one feeling more demanding. “Can I take this off?” Garnet asked, wrapping the hem of Jasper’s shirt around her fingers. Jasper removed her head from Garnet’s shoulder, nodding. Slowly, Garnet pulled away from Jasper, lifting her own shirt up over her head and tossing it onto the floor before reaching for Jasper’s. 

Jasper giggled as she pulled them both backwards, Garnet catching herself with her hands on either side of Jasper’s head. With a mischievous smile, Garnet leaned down and kissed Jasper’s stomach. Slowly she moved towards Jasper’s hip, running her fingers over the soft hair trailing down Jasper’s middle. She started to kiss above Jasper’s hip, enough to leave a faint blushing splotch behind as she moved upward towards her girlfriend’s neck. 

Jasper hooked her thumbs into Garnet’s pants, wrapping her fingers towards the back of her hips. “You’re so beautiful.” Garnet smiled as their lips met before she returned her attention to Jasper’s neck. “Uahhh!” Jasper’s breath caught as Garnet hit a particularly sensitive spot on Jasper’s neck. She threaded her fingers through Garnet’s hair. “Too much,” she whispered, pulling Garnet away from her overly sensitive neck. 

Garnet crawled over Jasper and curled up beside her, wrapping her arm around her girlfriend’s stomach. “You doing alright?” 

“Yeah. We don’t have to stop,” Jasper said with a dreamy sigh. “Just maybe not … here.” Jasper ran her hand over the bruise forming at her neck. 

“Maybe we can start again in a bit.” Garnet nestled against Jasper and sighed. “Your hair is always so soft.” 

“Mmmhhh.” Jasper rolled over to face Garnet. “Are you doing okay?” Garnet nodded as she pulled her arm out from under Jasper. 

“I’m good.” After a while, she asked, “How’s your shoulder?” 

“It’s okay.” Jasper sighed again slowly. She reached down, searching for Garnet’s hand and gripping it tightly. It was hard to explain exactly what brought this on, but Jasper was feeling elated just to have Garnet near her. “Would you,” she started quietly. “Uhmm, want to stay the night?” 

Garnet stretched so that her body fit against Jasper’s. “Why would you want me here overnight?” Garnet asked, eyes closed. 

Jasper kissed her girlfriend’s forehead. “I like this. It would be nice not to have a time limit on it.” 

“Mmm,” Garnet said as she played with Jasper’s hair. “Skin contact _is_ a good feeling.” Garnet ran her hand down Jasper’s chest and stopped at her stomach. Her thumb traced the edge of Jasper’s pants absentmindedly as she sighed. “I think I can arrange to spend the night.” 

“So,” Jasper said with a smile, “What should we do now?” Garnet reached over Jasper and leaned in for another kiss. 

\---

It was late when Amethyst came home. Jasper knew because she was awake. She heard the front door, she heard Amethyst’s expletives when she kicked the couch in the dark, and she heard her roommate’s bedroom door close. Jasper glanced beside her to see if Garnet was still asleep. She was loosely curled up against Jasper, her face buried in the pillow surrounded by her cloud of hair. She looked peaceful. Jasper wondered why she couldn’t be that calm, why she couldn’t sleep. 

Garnet woke early the following morning. “Morning babe,” she whispered as she yawned. “How’d you sleep?” Jasper rolled over and smiled at Garnet, but it was clear she wasn’t feeling as cheerful as she tried to pretend. “You alright? You look like you didn’t sleep well.” 

“I … I didn’t,” Jasper said with a shrug. “Just wasn’t a good night for me, that’s all.” Jasper tried to smile but the look in Garnet’s eyes made it difficult to just brush off this feeling. 

“You weren’t ready to share your bed, were you?” Garnet asked, brushing her fingertips against Jasper’s cheek. 

“No! I was … I am. It’s just …” Jasper stopped and thought about it. She felt anxious, as if something bad would happen if she fell asleep. She closed her eyes for a minute to focus and suddenly her body tensed. Garnet had rested her hand on Jasper’s shoulder. 

“You alright?” Garnet asked as she slowly removed her hand. 

“Yeah,” Jasper replied. 

“You know,” Garnet said gently. “It’s still pretty early. How about we try to get a little more sleep in?” She reached over Jasper, beckoning her to be the little spoon. Jasper was skeptical she could sleep, but she didn’t want to come off as unwilling. She curled up against Garnet and sighed. “How’s your shoulder doing? This position okay?” Jasper nodded. Garnet kissed the back of Jasper’s neck before settling down against the mattress. “Now, just think of something comforting.” 

Jasper didn’t know what to think of. The night had been anything but comforting and she couldn’t really place what the problem was, but that didn’t seem to stop Garnet. Jasper could feel Garnet’s body press against her back. The soft vibration of her breathing mixed with the warm feeling of her body against Jasper’s. Garnet placed her hand on Jasper’s stomach, spreading her fingers slightly. Garnet’s touch somehow became calming, allowing Jasper to let go of the anxious thoughts she had been focusing on. It felt nice, she thought, to have Garnet close, to be the little spoon. 

_Garnet’s body feels so warm. And the slow movement of her breathing, it’s really soothing. It’s nice to have her here with me. And it’s nice to be the little spoon sometimes. It’s almost … like …_

\---

“I’ve gotta head home. But I’ll see you later,” Garnet said before kissing Jasper goodbye. 

“Have a good day babe.” 

“It was nice spending the night with you. When you’re feeling up to doing it again, we should.” Garnet kissed Jasper once more before leaving the apartment.


End file.
